Reunion
by Mr. Chaos
Summary: Time marches on for all, even babies. The Rugrats have grown up, gotten jobs, found love, and started families. The Rugrats have Rugrats of their very own! But now Tommy, Dil, Chuckie, Lil, Phil, Angelica, Kimi, and Susie are coming back home to celebrate some major milestones. And just because they are older doesn't make them any less targets for wacky adventures.
1. And I Ran, I Ran So Far Away

Author's Notes: Alright, before we begin, so background info. This story came about after someone asked me in regards to 'A Mother's Love' where I saw the Rugrats once they grew up. I began to think about it and quickly came up with their lives and careers and families. It became very detailed and I debated how I might make a story around this when I was reminded of an amazing work I read a year or so ago. Called 'Of Love and Bunnies', it is a Power Rangers fic that sees the then current team of rangers, the Dino Thunder Rangers, convince their mentor Tommy to take them to Angel Grove to meet the original Rangers. Through a series of events Angel Grove decides to hold another Power Rangers Day and the entire thing becomes a massive reunion with nearly every past ranger (and some past villains!) come to meet and have fun.

What made that fic a blast is that there were arcs of the Rangers trying to do simple things… and it spiraling into chaos. Much like the Rugrats… a trip to a cake shop becomes a mission to save Dil, for example. Thus I decided to do the same thing here: take the adult Rugrats, who have grown up and moved on and have new careers and families, and have them reunite in their home town for a two week vacation… only for silly, funny, wacky things to happen that pull them into chaos land. Along for the ride are their spouses and, of course, their babies.

The main characters will be the Rugrats: Tommy, Dil, Chuckie, Phil, Lil, Kimi, Angelica, and later on Susie. Their spouses and babies and parents will also get screentime. I am basing their characters in this on my own headcanon and ignore things like All Grown Up when I want to. There is nothing wrong with fan ideas or the spinoff, it just doesn't work for what I am doing here. Also, I am assuming this story is taking place in 2016, so the events of Rugrats started around 1986. I do this purely so I can keep references and technology current. Let's face it, the cartoon didn't care about time so why should I?

Finally… baby speak. Rather than do POV changes that can slow down the story, I am using "normal text" for adults and _"italic text"_ for baby talk. Thus, when you see a baby 'talking' to an adult the adult will NOT understand it. For some characters they can switch between baby and adult, like Angelica used to in the show.

* * *

 _ **Los Angeles**_

Clair Deville-Roth was much smarter than her mommy.

This might have sounded crazy, seeing as Clair hadn't even been born yet, but she knew she was smarter than her mommy and quite frankly was a little worried about leaving her nice comfy womb. She was warm and never got hungry and while she didn't know what outside of the womb was like she had a feeling it wouldn't be as convenient as her current little spot. That just proved she was smarter than her mommy, as it was mommy who was clearly anxious to leave the security of the womb and journey into the outside world. Not that Clair was scared… more like she knew when she had a good thing going and didn't want to ruin it.

The second thing that proved she was smarter was her name. Well… Clair was a good name. She liked it and it fit her perfectly. She knew she looked just like a Clair, even if she hadn't ever even seen herself before. She knew she was a Clair so mommy had been smart there but that just meant that her mommy got some things right. Clair was still smarter than her. No, the problem was with her last name. Mommy kept insisting that she was Clair Deville but that made no sense. She was clearly Clair Deville-Roth… she'd heard her daddy say so when he talked to her from outside and he sounded pretty on the ball. Mommy would always argue though that because they weren't berried that meant Clair was just a Deville. That made no sense… how could you be berried? Not that Clair knew what a berry was but she had a feeling mommies and daddies couldn't be berries and babies especially couldn't be so mommy must be wrong and that meant Clair Deville-ROTH was smarter than mommy. At least she knew her full name!

Clair wiggled a bit, trying to get comfy even as everything around her bounced. Truth be told, if she had to pick only one name, she'd pick Roth because her daddy sounded really smart. Her mommy was nice but since Clair was with her all the time she heard about her forgetting to buy milk or not taping a show or messing up her password on the computey. Clair didn't know what any of those things were but she knew daddy would never do that. Her daddy was smart and made sure to get close to her from the outside so she could hear her clearly… all mommy did was talk about how she couldn't see her feet. Which was silly… who cared about feet? They didn't do anything! So yes, the Roths were smart.

The Devilles though were CRAZY! Clair's Uncle Phil seemed okay, as he would always say hello to her, but he giggled whenever he called himself 'Uncle Phil' and wondered if he could toss someone named Jazzy Jeff out of his house. But Grandma Betty was nuts… she thought Clair was a doggy! She kept saying how she wanted to meet 'the pup' and Clair would get frustrated and kick at her voice. She was a baby, not a pup! That should be obvious but Grandma thought she had floppy ears and a tail. Clair knew she didn't have floppy ears and last she checked she didn't have a tail… unless the thing attached to her belly button was a tail but she doubted that.

But what truly sealed the deal and made it clear that Clair was much smarter than her mommy was that mommy didn't get that Clair didn't like being bounced around! And right now she could hardly think because everything was jumping about. Clair could hear sirens in the background and people she knew were called 'police' shouting for mommy to stop and Clair, quite honestly, wanted mommy to do JUST THAT.

Ugh… why did mommy have to be so dumb?

~MC~MC~MC~

Lillian 'Lil' Deville's feet struck the sidewalk hard as she ran, the echoes of the police officers that were chasing after her rumbling in her ears. She mentally cursed herself for getting into this situation and really cursed herself for wearing her stupid nice shoes instead of swallowing her pride and putting on the 'clown shoes' as she liked to call them. They might look like something a circus performer would wear but they were comfy as hell and compared to the nice dress shoes that were currently cutting into her swollen feet they would have been like fluffy clouds. The nice dress shoes were perfect for when she had to be in court and make a good impression but not during a chase!

She groaned as she turned a corner, putting one hand under her dome of a stomach, trying to support it even as she reached behind her back and pulled out her gun, fingering off the safety. She could hear the police and their dogs gaining on her and she grit her teeth, refusing to let a little thing like being 8 and a half months pregnant stop her. She was NOT going to let them catch up, no matter what they were shouting at her. Instead she shouldered past a confused dishboy that was taking out the trash at the end of his shift and pushed herself into a muck-filled alley. When she spotted the dead end though she came to a stop and did the only thing she could: smile.

"Nowhere else to go, Edwards!" Lil shouted, drawing her gun and pointing it at the man that had nearly run into the brick wall before them. "Now, I need to pee really bad so why don't you do the decent thing and get on your knees. Unless you want to see what happens when you piss off a Federal Agent."

"What, you'll eat me tubbo?"

"I'm pregnant, nimrod," Lil snarked, taking a step closer. She nodded back towards the alley's entrance. "And you hear all that noise? Those are a bunch of locals who are pissed off a preggo beat them in a footrace. They are looking for some stress relief and subduing your behind would work wonders for them." Lil reached for her belt and pulled out some handcuff, tossing them at Edwards' feet. "Now put them on so we can end this before they whip out the billyclubs."

Edwards scoffed. "You don't know where you are, do you Agent?" He held out his arms wide. "This is my gang's special spot and that door?" he jerked his thumb towards a door half-hidden in a recess, the light above it flickering and causing the shadows to dance. "Behind it are twenty of my crew looking to plug a few cops. Don't worry though… we won't shoot you." Edwards slowly walked over to the door, rubbing his nose, even in the dim light Lil could see the crusted blood and fine white powder that clung to his wispy mustache. "Some of my boys ain't never been with a pregnant chick before. Maybe we'll make ya moo-"

The door flew open and Edwards gasped as a baseball bat swung out and hit him right in the gut, sending him tottering to the ground, blood gurgling from his mouth. He tried to roll away only for the bat to come down on his ankle, shattering it.

"Talk nice to my sister, would ya?" Phillip 'Phil' Deville said over the screams of the injured rapist, motioning for several more Federal Agents to come out and cuff Edwards. Lil could just make out the rest of Edwards' gang already cuffed and subdued inside. She walked over to Phil who was looking the bat over to see if it had gotten cracked knocking Edwards about. "Hey Lils, I thought the plan was to let the locals chase him here?"

"Well, I was at home being barefoot and pregnant when I thought "I am a Special Agent for the FBI and I have been working to catch this rapist for the last 4 weeks and it is not 1953 so no, I think I'll handle it myself.'"

"Geez, Lil, take it easy, just asking."

Lil sighed, her breath coming out in pants. "Sorry… you know my temper gets revved up when I get done with a chase and the hormones aren't doing me much good." She ran her hand over her massive belly. "Still, I think Clair loved the exercise. She's been wiggling in delight the entire chase!" Lil glanced over at the door. "So you were right about them hiding here."

Phil scratched as his beard, the one he'd grown when he was 23 and tired of everyone thinking he was 14. While his hair was naturally straight the scruff on his chin and cheeks curled slgithly, looking like Velcro. "The particulates on the shoe we found didn't lie. This is the only place in the greater Los Angeles area where you could get that mix of sediments and talc. Got Edwards and his entire gang wrapped up in a nice bow. The perfect way to wrap up before maternity leave."

"Please, don't remind me," Lil groaned. "I am not looking forward to the next 6 months of boredom."

Phil leaned down and cooed to her stomach. "Mommy doesn't mean that, Clair-bear."

"Oh shut it," Lil said with a laugh.

Two hours later Lil and Phil were back in Phil's lab, glasses of sparkling grape juice (in a show of solidarity with their, as Phil called it, 'knocked up fearless leader') passed around. The only person who wasn't all smiles was Lil's boyfriend (at the moment… some days they broke up and got back together 10 times… Phil was convinced his sister was, to his disgust, addicted to make-up sex) and baby daddy Langdon Roth. He was thrilled that Edwards was off the streets, though he would have liked to get a confession out of the bastard. The case would be easy enough for the Federal Prosecutor but wrapping it up in a nice bow would have been wonderful as it meant he could have enjoyed his 2 month vacation with Lil (having decided to take all his vacation time in one massive lump to help with the baby) without the trial hanging over his head. Still, the bad guy was caught, his girlfriend and their baby were safe, and he got to deliver the good news to fifteen families that the sons of bitches that had raped their daughters were going to rot in jail for a LONG time. That didn't mean though he was happy that his girlfriend had chased the leader of said rapists and he was currently pouting that no one else was taking his side (mostly because they all feared Lil's pregnancy rage turning on them).

"No no no," Dr. Gina Deville, the team's ME and Phil's wife, cooed to their 8 month old son Petey. The tot was trying to grab his mother's drink but Gina didn't want to deal with cleaning him up, especially this late at night. His brother Benny was asleep on the cot in Phil's lab, the chirping of Phil cicadas lulling him into a deep rest, but Petey was still having trouble sleeping through the night and had woken up right when Lil had arrived back with the good news. "Well, a toast to the conquering mama-to-be!"

"Here here!" the team cheered, draining their cups.

"And here's to hopefully getting booze when we celebrate next time!" Dr. Cramer, the team's profiler, said with a grin.

"Langdon, slap him," Lil said from where she sat, her shoes kicked off and resting in her boyfriend's lap. Langdon stopped massaging her soles (he was annoyed at her but also loved her too much, damn it, to deny her a bit of comfort) to smack Cramer on the shoulder, the shrink laughing as he darted away. "Thank you. That earned you one night of me not dumping your ass."

"And what do I get for not going all caveman when you decided to chase the rapist for four blocks?" Langdon asked.

"Nothing… that attitude is why you love me," Lil teased.

"Gag me," Phil moaned.

"What you and Gina do on your own is none of my business!" Lil retorted, the rest of the team laughing at Phil's expense. Phil began to refill their glasses, knowing that all the barbs were in good fun, and Lil allowed a gentle smile to form on her lips. When she'd been assigned to create this task force she'd known there were doubters. How could there not be… at 26 she had been the youngest Federal Special Agent to be given her own task force. It didn't help matters that she didn't staff it with the usual stiffs with suits; rather than playing politics she'd chosen a wide range of consultants including her brother to make up her team. While Phil was a well known 'bug and slime' guy in the academic world, having turned down offers from Harvard and Yale in order to work with her, the FBI big wigs in Washington had worried about Lil's choices, fearing she was purely playing favorites with her brother. After Phil helped crack several cases their tunes began to change and now, 5 years later, her bosses were bending over backwards to get her and Phil whatever they needed to track down the bad guys. She already had to tell Langley that she wasn't interested in moving to D.C., even if Lil had a feeling that they wanted to groom her to eventually take over the whole Bureau. She was happy right where she was.

Lil watched as her team mingled with the agents that had come by to congratulate her both on the case and the baby, a tired smile gracing her lips. As much as she hated being shunted off for six months she knew that things would be in good hands. It wasn't the actual time off that bothered her, as she very much wanted to bond with her baby and spend as much time as she could with the new little life she and Langdon had created, but rather it was being away from the task force that was giving her pregnancy cold feet. Lil was the first to admit she was a workaholic, being the first one in the office in the morning and the last one out the door. The task force had been her baby before her baby and it was hard to part with it and be out of the loop for months. Still, with Phil and his wife both back from their maternity leave/vacation she knew that her brother would be able to keep things running until she made her return with Gina easily sliding into Phil's role as second-in-command.

Yes, technically Agent Simmons, who was currently trying to explain to Cramer why Star Trek was superior to Star Wars, was in charge of the task force but everyone from her bosses to Simmons himself knew he was merely a figurehead and that Phil would be the true power behind the throne. He'd been her unofficial second-in-command since they'd started and while he didn't have a badge or a gun (despite his whining that he should and attempting to make a potato gun that one time) he was her partner and everyone knew it. If Lil were honest with herself there was no way the task force would have lasted as long as it had if not for Phil. While his knowledge of insects, dirt, minerals, and plants was a godsend when it came to tracking the movements of criminals it was his people skills that truly made him invaluable to her. Lil knew that she could come off as abrasive to those that knew her; Dil had once teased that when Lil wore her badge she put on her 'Angelica Face' and Lil had admitted that she saw that as a compliment. Phil however had planned on being a professor before she'd brought him into her task force and his ability to work with different personality types and figure out the best way to explain things to people was a godsend. Lil had seen him break up fights between Gina and Cramer, asking what they were trying to say and then calmly breaking it down into simple terms for the other to understand. He could get bitter girlfriends who didn't trust the police to part with valueable info about their fugitive boyfriends and comfort sobbing victims who feared that justice would never be served. Where Lil had only become more determined as she grew up, emulating their mother, Dil had learned from their father how to go with the flow and ease up. When the clock was ticking and every second meant a criminal was getting further away having Phil's cool head was priceless.

Of course Phil wouldn't be taking over right away. Him and Gina still had a few weeks of vacation left and were using them up now along with Lil and Langdon.

As if reading her mind Deputy Director Shaw, Lil's boss and the man that had first entrusted her to create the task force, entered the main conference room, snagging a cup of grape juice from Cramer. "So, you got Edwards wrapped up in a pretty little bow, huh?"

"Yes sir," Lil said, reluctantly pulling her feet away from her boyfriend's skilled hands and slipping her shoes back on. She'd at least tossed the nice shoes aside and grabbed her clown stompers.

Shaw nodded, sipping his drink before turning to Phil. "A baseball bat, Phillip?"

"I grabbed what was available, sir," Phil said, doing his best not to smile and failing miserably.

"I'd suspend you while we investigated your overuse of force but considering I'm losing your sister for 6 months and you're on vacation already I guess you luck out."

"Not really," Lil said, "if Phil had been more clever he'd have waited, got suspended, and been able to keep his vacation days."

"Curses, foiled again," Phil deadpanned, taking Petey from Gina, rocking his younger son.

Petey was being stubborn, however, and refused to go to sleep, preferring instead to look about at all his favorite people in the world. Benny had told him a few weeks ago that their parents' workplace hadn't always been so lax and when he'd been a little baby daddy had hid him in drawers whenever Mr. Shaw came around. Petey though that sounded like fun... it was like hide and seek! But Benny preferred things as they were now, where he could play on his ipad in his daddy's office while he looked at icky stuff (neither of the boys were allowed in where their mommy worked... they didn't know what she did but suspected it involved making punch as she sometimes had red stains on her pretty white coat). Benny got to spend a lot of time with daddy, as he was old enough for the big people to understand him. Petey had only recently been able to string together enough sentences to talk to his big brother but getting mommy and daddy and Aunt Lil to understand him was far away in the future. First he needed to master moving around on his own and sippy cups. So when he was given a chance to hang out with daddy and the people who worked with him Petey took hold of the opportunity and refused to let go.

"So, where are the four of you off to?" Shaw asked. "What little locale has seduced my best agent, consultants, and everyone's favorite lawyer-"

"Not mine," Lil teased, "I prefer Matlock."

"Shove off," Langdon laughed.

Lil chuckles before addressing her boss. "Just a few hours east of LA, sir. Going back home to Yucaipa."

Phil nodded, picking up where his sister left off. "We have a perfect storm of parties and events happening over the next two weeks so our family decided to have a big reunion."

"I thought the Devilles already had their reunion a few months ago," Shaw said. "You were making potato salad, Lillian."

"Tried and failed," Lil admitted. She'd never been a good cook since she'd stopped making mud pies. "And not that family. You ever hear the saying "The family you got and the family you chose"? This is the one we chose."

Phil began to tick it off. "Our mom's birthday is Tuesday, then on Friday our friend Angelica's mom is finally retiring so her and her husband are throwing her a party, and then the next week it is our friends Chuckie and Kimi's parents' 30th wedding anniversary. We spent so much time together growing up that they all feel like our parents so we are driving down and helping with all the parties."

Shaw nodded taking a seat, motioning for Langdon to hand him a cookie from Lil's secret stash. The Special Agent frowned as her boyfriend did so, knowing she really couldn't argue but mentally deciding he now owed her a whole box of cookies for that little betrayal. Expensive ones.

"So, what kind of town is it?" Cramer asked. "A wacky one full of strange going-ons?"

"Nah," Martin, the team's resident sketch artist, said as he tried (and failed) to quietly spike his grape juice without being noticed, "I bet it is a normal town but full of zany, wacky characters."

Phil and Lil shared a look before shrugging. "Not really," both said.

"It's pretty average, actually," Langdon said. "At least from what time I spent there." He glanced out of the corner of his eye at Lil. "Though, it does seem like this one is a magnet for trouble."

"Oh, I am not."

Gina nodded. "Langdon, be nice. We both know that Phil and Lil are equal amounts of trouble magnets."

"Mommy enjoys picking on me," Phil whispered to Petey, who stared at his daddy in confusion before he went back to the very important task of trying to gum the wedding ring off of Phil's finger. Out loud Phil said, "I don't know if that is entirely fair... but we do seem to get sucked into some crazy things."

"Oh, we do not," Lil complained.

"Getting lost in the woods," Phil sang.

"We were babies, doesn't count."

"Paris," Phil added.

"Again, babies. And I blame Chuckie for that."

"The Noodle Hunt?"

"Babies again and Tommy is lying about still having nightmares about it!"

"Benny's second birthday."

Lil scowled. "It is so not my fault! I dialed the right number!" When everyone stared at her in confusion she grumbled, "I allegedly hired a donkey show instead of a petting zoo."

"I'd say Mr. Deville was the most shocked," Langdon quipped.

"The donkey was pretty startled," Phil chimed in.

"Oh eat a worm," Lil growled.

Though she did her best to look angry it didn't last long, especially when Petey began to fuss and reach out for her. Letting out an oomph Lil took him from her brother, resting the baby on top of her big taunt stomach, staring at him with a goofy little smile as he tried to determine once and for all if he could shove his entire fist into his mouth. "It'll be nice to see everyone again. We haven't all begin together since... Stu Picke's award ceremony?"

Phil shook his head. "Tommy got the flu and couldn't come, remember? Kimi had to care for him the entire night. And Susie had to stay in DC for her fillabuster. I think it was my wedding."

"You're right," Lil said, watching as Petey fought to stay awake. "God... it's been four years? Way too long." She grew quiet for a moment, Phil finally coming over and collecting his now dozing son, who had tuckered out and fell asleep sitting up, his little hand still in his mouth. Lil reached down and tenderly ran her hand over her tummy. "But it is going to be so much fun, isn't it Clair... a nice, peaceful vacation."

Clair Deville-Roth was smarter than her mommy. She knew this. Case in point: Clair knew there was no chance they would have a peaceful vacation.


	2. Doctor, Doctor, Give Me the News

Author's Note: Remember to review! Reviews encourage the muse and the muse encourages me to write!

* * *

 _ **Chicago, IL**_

 _ **The Little Angels Foundation**_

Nancy didn't even bother looking up from the block tower she was making. The newest arrival was bellowing and making a giant fuss, roaring like he was Super Reptar's rival Monkie Moe, pounding his chest as he moved about the playpen. It might have been frightening if Nancy wasn't almost 2 years old and the new arrival was just old enough to know how to walk. The other babies in the large playpen continued on their games, all to used to new ones making a scene. Heck, some of them had done it themselves when they first got into the pen. There was no reason to make a fuss. The adults were just outside, working on their computers, and would come rushing in if things got too intense.

 _"Pay 'ttention to meeeeeeeeee!"_ the 10 month old roared, kicking at Nancy's block tower. One of the soft, squishy blocks tumbled to her right while the bellowing tot in front of her lost his balance due to his wild kick and fell to the ground with an ompf. _"Be quiet!"_ he shouted at her, frustrated.

 _"I wasn't gonna make funs of you,"_ Nancy said gently. _"Wes all fallen overs before... it happens. That's why the floor is squishy!"_ She bounced up and down on the playpen's foam mat. _"I'm Nancy! What's your name?"_

 _"I'm Derek and this is my place now!"_ the baby roared as he righted himself. _"I'm biggest and tuffest ever and that makes me boss."_

 _"You're not the boss,"_ another baby said with a shrug. _"Melinda is."_

 _"Melinda?"_ Derek said with a laugh. _"Who dat?"_

 _"Me!"_

Derek turned and stared at who was toddling over to her. Melinda didn't look that threatening to Derek at all. She was wearing a simple pink t-shirt, her strawberry blonde hair held back by a headband with a huge flower on it. She had on a diaper that had smiling teddy bears dancing on them and she gripped by the feet a well loved Katrina doll (the little sister of Cynthia PI, of course). She had on a skirt but didn't even cover up her diapers, let along her chubby little legs or sock-covered feet. The 13 month old smiled at Derek, eyes sparkling as she waved.

 _"I'm Melinda! Nice to meet you!"_

 _"Well, it's not nice to meet you!"_ Derek shouted, moving to shove her. Melinda easily twisted, causing Derek to fall down on his face. He was quickly up, no worse for wear, other than wounded pride. _"You aren't the boss here nos more! I am! I'm the tuffest! The powice bwought me and that means I'm tuff!"_

Melinda merely sat down beside Derek, studying him a moment before speaking. _"No, that means you're scared."_

 _"I'm scared 'bout nothin'!"_ Derek roared. He didn't get how this little girl could just sit there as he threw a tantrum. Every other time he'd thrown a fit around other babies they'd cried or given him what he wanted. Melinda just looked at him with a sad smile. He didn't like that… it made him feel funny.

 _"Yes you are,"_ Melinda said gently. _"Police only bring babies here when something bad happened. Was it your mommy or your daddy?"_

Derek shifted, for the first time since he arrived dropping his voice to a conversational tone. He was so startled by her question he didn't even try to cover up his emotions with bravado _. "Mommy took too much of her med'cine. She needs it or she feels funny. But dis time she tooks too much..."_ the little boy plopped down next to Melinda, tears in his eyes. _"She wouldn't wake up...I cried and cried but she just kept starin' at the ceiling…"_

Melinda hugged the whimpering tot. _"You don't have to act brave here. We babies stick together! Did your mommy forget to give you a bottle sometimes?"_ Derek nodded pitifully. _"They don't forget here. And if you need new clothes they get them too."_ Derek shifted, suddenly embarrassed that he was wearing a shirt clearly too big for him and covered in stains. _"Everybody loves everyone here! We'll take care of you... won't we guys?"_

 _"Yeah!"_ the other babies called out, crawling and walking over to greet Derek. Some of them had been in the same position he'd been in, scared and frightened, and now it was their turn to offer comfort just as they had been given it.

 _"Jorge, could you ask Mr. Mills to get Derek a shirt? Say he doesn't like this one."_ Jorge, who was 3 and a half but could still understand baby talk, nodded and hurried over to the edge of the playpen, motioning for one of the babysitters to come over so he could let them know that Jorge was sad and wanted a new shirt. Jorge was one of Melinda's best helpers and in return she always made sure he got the sugar cookies he liked best when it was snack time.

Derek, for his part, looked up at Melinda after several more babies had introduced themselves to him. _"How did you know all dat 'bout me?"_

 _"I'm a psychic-ologist!"_ Melinda said proudly. _"I know all about babies and what they want, including me!"_ She giggled, lifting up Katrina so she could look her doll in the eye. _"Like, right now I'm all bouncy and I'm looking at the door so that means I want mommy... and here she is!"_

All the babies turned as, on cue, Melinda's mom walked out of her office, her smartphone glued to her ear. "Yes, yes I know that you normally charge $500 but we agreed on $200…. Well, considering this is for kids with cancer I thought you'd like to have your name attached to a good cause and not pull the usual crap. Oh, you know what I mean! I've heard about how you milked the grocery store on 5th.  
She paused, listening to the person she was calling. "Or maybe you'd like me to contact the Tribune and give them a juicy new story. Can see the headline now:" Melinda's mom waved her hands in front of her, tilting her head to keep her phone pinned to her ear, "Topps Painters Choose Money Over Sick Kids". I'm sure that will play well with your customers." She paused. "Oh, don't give me that. You think you are the first to try and hold one of my projects ransom? Hold on!" She covered the phone with her hand and shouted, "Garth, what was the name of that electrician that tried to jack up the price on us when we rewired that nursery in Detroit?"

Nancy giggled, waving to her daddy as he called out, "Hillis Electrical, Angelica!"

Angelica smiled. "Thanks." She put the phone back to her ear. "Google Hillis Electrical and see what happens when you try and screw with kids when I'm around. I'll wait." Turning towards the playpen Angelica fierce smile became one of true selfless love as she knelt down and held out her arms. "Come here sunshine!"

Melinda giggled and toddled over to her mommy, Angelica lifting her up and cuddling her close while she waited for the painter to get back to her.

 _"That's her mommy?"_ Derek asked in shock.

Nancy nodded. _"Yup! Melinda's mommy runs everything here!"_

 _"Wow."_

Angelica nodded her head, tickling Melinda's side even as she talked to the painter. "That's what I was hoping you'd say. I'll make sure to mention to everything I work with what a kind and generous soul you are. Thank you." Hanging up Angelica slipped her smartphone into her pocket before juggling Melinda so she could remove her jacket. The baby didn't mind, reaching up to try and grab her mommy's hair only to mutter when she realized that mommy's new pixie cut made grabbing hair harder. "Alright, sunshine, that was the last work task I had… let's see if we got everything on the personal side settled. Finster!" A lanky, awkward looking young man half stumbled out of the office, ringing his hands nervously as he looked at Angelica, almost as if he were afraid she'd bite his head off.

 _"Is that Dr. Finster?"_ Derek asked, looking at the man his mommy would have called a dweeb. He remembered hearing one of the policemen mention that they were taking him to 'Dr. Finster's place' and if that was him then Derek was unimpressed.

 _"No, I think that's the comboober guy,"_ Nancy said as the scrawny fellow hurried over to Nancy's daddy so he could submit his invoice. _"That is Dr. Finster!"_

Chuckie Finster maybe have started life as a shy, skittish, and awkward little boy but he certainly had grown out of that phase. Between his sophomore and junior year of high school Chuckie had befriended his school's new gym teacher Mr. Strum, who had moved in a few doors down from them. Strum had seen much of his younger self in Chuckie, admitting that when he'd been young he'd been a 'string bean' as well. Chuckie had been shocked that a handsome and well built man could compare himself to him but Strum's kind nature and determined attitude to never give up had rubbed off on the shy boy and by the 3rd week of June Chuckie had begun working out with the man at a local gym. Strum wasn't a dumbbell-head that thought bulging biceps were everything; he believed in a well rounded routine and thus got Chuckie to jog, swim, lift weights, and even try yoga. In Strum Chuckie also found someone willing to listen to his fears and concerns without worrying about making them ashamed of him or being judged. While is parents loved him Chuckie didn't want to burden them, to make them worry more about him. Strum was a sympathetic ear.

By the end of summer Chuckie (or Chuck, as Strum preferred to call him) had undergone a metamorphosis. Baby fat and bony limbs had turned into lean muscle, he'd shot up 3 inches, and in August he'd had his braces removed. His stepmother had decided to get him new glasses, ones with thin wire frames instead of his thick plastic ones. And Chuck had grown his hair out and begun to tie it back in a loose ponytail. When he'd walked into school the first day everyone had been shocked that the handsome young man they were looking at had left three months earlier as a trembling string bean. Within a week Chuck Finster was one of the most talked about teens in school and by the end of the month he was one of the most popular.

But new friendships and a new body didn't mean that Chuck had forgotten what it was like to be alone and scared. He took it upon himself to protect every freshman that came into the school, working with his best friend Tommy to make their high school a bully-free zone. Two years later after many laughs, school events, a Prom King Crown, and special recognition at graduation from his mentor, Chuck Finster left high school as a legend and an inspiration.

And in the present day he continued to build his reputation as the man people didn't just want to be but who they wanted fighting by their side.

Leaving his office a few moments after the IT guy Chuck exited and looked over at Angelic. While not a body builder by any means Chuck was athletic looking at the very least, with a swimmer's build that he did little to hide under his designer dress shirts and tailored slacks. After he'd gotten his degree in child psychology he'd sworn never to grow a beard, feeling that it was simply too stereotypical for a shrink to sport a Van Dyke ("I'd look like that quack Lipschitz" he'd told a colleage). Instead he merely kept his hair long and pulled back in a ponytail (he utterly refused to get a 'manbun'). Today his tie had been tossed aside and a few top buttons of his shirt were undone, revealing a white undershirt under the cream-colored button up he was wearing.

"You bellowed," Chuck said.

"Tell me you remembered to order the plane tickets." Angelica began to pace before Chuck could even open his mouth. Melinda stared at her mom as Angelica began to rant, the little psychic-ologist making mental notes to discuss her mommy's ability to handle stress at their next therapy session (aka Mommy-Melinda play time). "You didn't, did you? I asked you to order them yesterday and now you didn't and it is going to be a scramble-"

Chuck walked over and placed his hands on her shoulders, forcing her to stop and look him in the eye. "I didn't get them yesterday because I bought them a month ago. They are still in your desk drawer and I have our id numbers saved in both our phones in case they get lost. They know that we are bringing Melinda and that you want steak because you can't eat fish on a plane ever since you watched 'Airplane!'. Our bags are already packed save for toiletries and even if we forget them your mom has every we need at her house. The hotel is all set as is the rental." Angelica let out a shuddery little breath and Chuck leaned in, kissing her forehead. "Everything is all set, Ang."

Angelica sighed, resting her head on her husband's shoulder. "I freaked out, didn't I?"

"Just a touch." Chuck reached over and picked up Melinda, his baby girl screeching in delight as he hoisted her above his head. "What do you think, Princess? On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad was that freakout?"

" _A four!"_ Melinda said, though to her parents it came out as "blub"

"Yeah, that's what I thought too." Melinda beamed at her daddy agreeing with her and Chuck sat down on one of the overstuffed love seats Angelica had insisted be installed in the Foundation's main area; memories of visiting her mom's workplace and their horrible hardwood and plastic chairs still haunted the blonde. After a moment Angelica joined them, Chuck reaching around to hug her as she snuggled up to him, kicking off her flats and tucking her feet under her as she curled up next to her husband and daughter. Melinda, for her part, began to tug on her mommy's fingers, giggling whenever Angelica wiggled her digits. Their employees were used to seeing them curl up on a couch after a hard day and didn't even glance at them as the two adults and their little girl watched the other babies at play.

"That the kid they rescued from the house uptown?" Chuck asked, nodding towards Derek. Hank Mills, one of the 'baby wranglers', had just finished redressing him in a cute little red shirt that had happy ducks on it. The baby looked down at the shirt, tugging on it before he reached up and grabbed Hank's shirt in response, burrowing his little face against the man's chest. Angelica smiled sadly as the wrangler cradled the now sniffing and murmuring tyke in his arms, allowing the no-longer-thrashing tot to seek comfort in his embrace. Sadly they were all used to babies coming in starved for love and attention.

"Yeah. Neighbors complained about hearing him crying… his mom ODed and they found him in a messy diaper trying to wake her up." Angelica felt her eyes water and forced herself not to cry. "How can someone bring a baby into this world when they can't even take care of themselves?"

"People are selfish, Ang." Chuck ran his hand over Melinda's head, smiling down at his daughter. "What's the plan with the little guy?"

"No relatives, or at least any that want to take him in. I've got Tracy calling that couple from Colorado, Mitch and Bill, you remember them? They've been looking to adopt and I think Derek would be a perfect fit."

"And you won't let him go until your sure of it," Chuck said, giving his wife a squeeze.

"Dam… darn straight, Finster," Angelica said, forcing herself not to swear in front of the baby.

"You know that kinda loses its power when your name is Finster too," Chuck pointed out.

"Point taken."

The two of them grew quiet, allowing the happy squeals and giggles of their littlest members flow over them. For those that had only known them when they were young it would have been shocking to see shy and skittish Chuckie and famous baby-loather Angelica finding such peace in the middle of baby chaos but time had marched on and now in their thirties the two found joy in the delightful screams of infants and toddlers. Most of the tots in the massive padded playpen belonged to their staff, be they sons, daughters, nieces, nephews, or even a few grandkids. But there were a few infants like Derek who had lost family or didn't have homes who stayed at the foundation until Angelica and Chuck could find them safe, happy places to live. It was their lives' mission to ensure as many babies as they could find had the happiest of childhoods and the giggles of delighted tots were proof that they were succeeding.

"So," Chuck finally said softly, making sure to keep his voice low enough so not to alert anyone but his wife, "what really has you freaked out?"

"What do you mean?" Angelica asked. "Not freaked out at all. Not at all!"

Chuck rolled his eyes. "You've been using that innocent act since I was in diapers and it hasn't gotten any better. Do you believe her, Melinda?"

" _Nope!"_ the baby giggled. _"Mommy is fibbing! Ten ceecees of cookies, stat!"_

"See, she agrees with me!" Angelica said. Melinda scowled at that, though neither could see that. Silly mommy not sticking to her prescription.

"Ang…"

Angelica sighed, closing her eyes as she wiggled closer to Chuck, almost as if she were competing with Derek to see who could nuzzle the hardest. "This is the first time we'll be all back together in nearly 15 years."

"What? You mean the whole gang? We saw each other at Phil's wedding, remember?"

"Yeah, but that was at a hall with music and a ton of other people to talk to. This is the first time all of us, the old gang, will be together in town. No one missing, no one only able to call. Yeah, we have the parties to plan but otherwise there will be a lot of time where we can just get back together and talk."

"I'm sensing there is more to this than simply a reunion."

Angelica let out a shaky breath. "What if I go back to the way I was?" Even though she wasn't looking at him she knew the look he was giving her. "I know its baseless fear, but I still feel it in here." She tapped her chest. "I hate how I was back then… god, I was such a little brat. I picked on all of you, a tricked you, I'm pretty sure I scarred Tommy for life-"

"Yeah, that's why he named you godmother of his son," Chuck said, running his fingers through her hair.

"Did they teach you to interrupt your patients in shrink school?"

Melinda looked up at him and Chuck had the impression she was giving him a 'come on, you better than that, daddy!' look. "Continue," Chuck said after a moment.

"I think back to how I was, how I treated so many people and… and I hate who I was. I just hate her. And it's worse now that we have Melinda. I look at her and I think "If she had met the old me she would have been so scared…". I know it isn't possible, I know it isn't going to happen, but I'm scared to death I'm going to fall back into routine. I'll go back to being a bi… a very not nice person… and treat everyone horribly and only care about myself. And I don't want that, Chuck… I don't want that." She sniffed a little, still fighting back her tears, hating that she was acting like such a baby in front of… well… her baby. While she'd changed greatly from whom she'd once been she still hated looking weak and childlike and sobbing on a sofa in front of a bunch of infants wasn't very dignified in her opinion.

" _I cans fix mommy, daddy!"_ Melinda babbled, wiggling her arms and legs. _"Firsts we needs to check her tempypurr, then see if she's gotten taller, then give her a wollypop! That fix her ALLLLL up! Code Wolly! Code Wolly!"_

Chuck ran his fingers along his daughter's belly, allowing her giggles to fill the air as she happily yammered to herself. One of the things he'd learned when it came to helping anyone, be it a baby, a kid, or a grown woman who had accomplished amazing things and had a wonderful life, was that sometimes you needed to be quiet and let them get to the point where they were ready for you to speak. Push too soon and you'd run into walls. They'd deflect or deny or just not listen. No, sometimes you needed to gather yourself while letting them calm down and mentally prepare for what you were about to say. Only then could the healing begin.

That didn't mean it was easy, however. This was his wife, the woman he loved, terrified of her own past… a past that, if Chuck was honest with himself, was a pretty crummy one. Not for lack of want or love… but for her own actions. Because she was right… she had been a brat. She had bullied them and picked on them and made him and his friends feel like dirt. That girl and the woman he'd married were nothing alike. The Angelica that had told him that when the TV turned off all the cartoon characters died was not the same Angelica who'd called him 8 years ago and begged him to help her with her foundation, pleading about the kids she wanted to save. The Angelica that had delighted in calling him four-eyes and dumb dumb was not the one that had woken him up in the middle of the night two years ago and said "I love you, you love me, let's get married" and laughed as the two of them ran to the courthouse in wrinkled clothing and mismatched shoes. The Angelica who screamed "DUMB BABIES" was not the Angelica who had sobbed when their daughter was born, calling her the greatest gift in the world.

"We have to cancel the trip," Chuck finally said.

"I know that you are-wait, what?!" Angelica bolted up, Melinda, who had almost fallen asleep, let out a roar of protest at being wiggled about.

"We can't go back," Chuck said, eyes wide with fright. "If we do then I'll go back to being scaredy cat Chuckie Finster again!"

"You are Chuckie Finster… just not as scaredied…" Angelica began, only for Chuck to cut her off, leaping to his feet and setting Melinda down on the couch. The baby looked at her two parents and mentally sighed, telling Katrina to cancel her other appointments as she would have to work with her current patients.

"But it will happen! I don't want to be scare of butterflies or milk or the toilet or crossing the street…"

"I don't remember the milk one," Angelica said as she watched her husband pace, Melinda watched her father move back and forth, lips puckered. "And come on, you aren't going to go back to being scared at your own shadow. That was years ago and you've completely changed and one trip won't change that and you clever bastard you just made me argue against myself!"

Chuck paused, a smile forming on his lips. "They _did_ teach me that at shrink school."

"Melinda, I am so going to tackle daddy in a moment."

The baby clapped her hands. _"Yeah! That is the bestest way to gets out negative aggressions! Work through the pain!"_

Chuck sat back down, shifting their daughter to Angelica's lap. "The past is the past, Angelica. Does it shape who we are now? Of course. I'll admit that when you called me up all those years ago I almost said no because of how you used to treat me. But," he quickly added, before his wife could beat herself up anymore, "it was your mistakes that made you the woman I love. If you hadn't stolen that car-"

"Hey!" Angelica said, covering Melinda's ears. "Ixnay on eftthay!"

"-you wouldn't have been given community service, you wouldn't have worked at the hospital with those sick kids, and you wouldn't have discovered your true calling. You've paid the babies of the world back a thousand times for the little annoyances and pains you heaped on me and Phil and Lil and Tommy and me and Kimi and Dil-"

"You said you twice." Chuck just gave her a knowing look. "And I suppose you do deserve to be in there twice, go on."

"-and you took the girl you once were and turned her into something utterly wonderful. That said… what is it we tell all the employees here?"

Angelica sniffed a little. "Tuesday is Taco Tuesday?"

"Other than that."

"Check all the diapers for screwdrivers?"

Chuck laughed, knowing that things were better if Angelica was getting this playful. "Other than that."

"The past doesn't define one's future."

"Exactly." He gestured at Derek, the baby having finally gone to sleep in Mills' arms. "That little guy started out with the worst lot in life. But it will not define his future. He's going to have loving parents and get to play baseball and go to school and find love and have kids of his own. Yeah, his mom ODed and that is tragic… but it won't define him. Just like your past won't define you."

Melinda let out a tiny yawn and Angelica smiled, kissing Chuck on the cheek. "You're right… I have changed… we both have… and seeing everyone isn't going to make us revert back to who we were-"

"YUCKY!" Nancy cried out, pointing at Angelica and Chuck kissing.

"…okay, that was just bad timing," Chuck muttered while Angelica stared the tot in shock.

~MC~MC~MC~

Author's Notes: I really love the relationship Chuck and Angelica have… it is just a nice, mature relationship that allows the two of them to grow while also showcasing their best traits. And Melinda is my favorite of the Generation Two Rugrats I've created.

Next up we see what Tommy is up to.


	3. In the Jungle, the Mighty Jungle

Author's Note: Remember, reviews equal more chapters!

~MC~MC~MC~

"Dil, gimme the rattle."

"NO!"

Tommy narrowed his eyes, staring down his baby brother, his hands on his hips as he adopted his best 'stern voice'. "Dil…"

"NO!" Dil exclaimed.

"Come on, we agreed that I should have the rattle for this part-"

"MINE!" he shouted, clutching the rattle to his check.

"…you are such a dork," Thomas 'Tommy' Pickles said with a laugh, rubbing his stubble-covered chin.

Dylan 'Dil' (but only if you were his friend because he was so tired of people making the 'Oh, Dill Pickles!' joke) Pickles smiled brightly. He'd long grown out of having his hair a big curly mess and now kept it in a nice buzz cut that let him look much more mature even while acting like a giant goof. "And proud of it, big brother, proud of it." Dil held up the rattle, which was made from a large yellow fruit with a tough waxy skin and had attacked to it a thick green stalk, and gave it a shake right in Tommy's face. "We all have our parts to play, you know that." 

"Yeah, but I thought maybe this time I could be the one embarrassed. You know, like how it is funnier if the straight man gets hit by a pie?"

"Meh, that is 20th century thinking. Trust me, the goof ball getting slimed is funnier."

Tommy looked to his right, where the camera crew was handling the final touches. The sounds of the South American rainforest echoed around them and Tommy stepped forward, pushing a massive green leaf out of the way. In his left hand he held the bomber jacket that had become his standard look, waiting to put it on at the last possible moment due to the heat. Not for the first time he envied Dil for being able to get away with a Hawaiian shirt for his costume. "Kimi? What do you think?"

"No fair, you know she'll side with you!" Dil complained.

"Why? You think she can't be a fair judge?" Tommy asked.

"No, because you're her husband so she has to side with you! It's like… the law and stuff!"

"Don't stick me in the middle of this," Kimiko 'Kimi or Miko, depending on who you were' Pickles said, not bothering to look up from the script she was going over. The prop glasses she wore during filming were perched on top of her head and she had her lab coat draped over her free arm. "As long as I'm not the one holding the rattle… Tommy, don't even think about it… I don't care who has it."

Tommy threw his hands in the air. "Fine. Sue me for trying to be nice."

"I would but I have too much money as it is," Dil said with a grin as he made sure the rattle was ready for their scene. "Steph, what do you think… to the right or the left of Tommy?"

The Hispanic woman thought it over for a second before answering. "My right, your left. And we end with a final close up of you, Dylan, with Luke's camera, though I'll keep mine on all three of ya just in case Tom decides he'd prefer a wide shot." Hefting the heavy digital camera onto her shoulder Stephine 'Steph' Vega snapped to get the rest of her crew's attention. As the lead camera operator she was in charge of making sure they got every shot… especially ones like this, where setting up for a second take would mean an hour of work lost. Considering this was the last shot of the day she wanted it over and done with. She knew how particular Tommy could get about framing. "Alright people, this is the last shot of the season, let's make it count! If any of you camera monkeys goof this up I'll sic the babies on you!"

Just behind the cameras, sitting in a playpen that Kimi had set up, were said babies, who stopped playing with their Reptar dolls when they heard what Steph had said. _"What does did Aunt Steph mean by that, Brian?"_ the 1 year old tot asked. _"I don't see any monkeys and I'm not sick!"_

" _Think she wants us ta sneeze on them if they goof sup!"_ Brian, who was 18 months old and thus far wiser than his little friend, told him.

" _But Mr. Nickels smells ucky. I don't want to sneezies on him!"_

Brian considered this. Mr. Nickels did tend to smell like a diapie that had been left in the sun too long. Both babies still had nightmares of the time he'd tucked them both under his arms to carry them out of the mud puddle they'd found. His pitties had nearly made them pass out. _"I'll sneezes on him then but you have to sneeze on both Mr. White and Mr. Morris."_

" _Deal!"_ Brian's little friend proclaimed.

Tommy raised his hand, signaling for quiet. Even the babies grew silent, watching as Tommy, Dil, and Kimi took their spots. Tommy slipped on his jacket while Lil made sure her glasses were straight and Dil threw a goofy grin on his face. "Alright, Scene 17 in 3…2…1…" Tommy watched for all the red lights to light up on the cameras before he began talking. "They say that music soothes the savage beast and that is as true in the city as it is in the jungle! One of the tradition musical instruments of the Modingo is the Fruit Rattle. Dating back over a thousand years, fathers pass down the making of these jungle grown instruments to their sons, seeing it as a rite of passage."

"That's right!" Dil said, jumping in front of Tommy and shaking the rattle. Tommy adopting a mild look of annoyance, playing along with his televised persona of being the slightly uptight big brother to Dil's goofy little brother. In actuality Dil and him had worked on the script for this scene together and come up with the each joke and line beat for beat. "But they don't make these rattles for fun! Oh no no no!" Dil took a step towards the camera, dropping his voice to a spooky whisper as he looked about to his right and left. "Legend states that beyond the normal dangers that lurk in these jungles there also exists the shadow cats, beasts with one paw in the world of the living… and one in the world of darkness."

Tommy quickly stepped around Dil, taking back over. "Which is just a story, Dylan," Tommy stressed. "The rattles are used in the traditional Spirit Dance, performed once every three months by the strongest warriors of the tribe. Painting themselves using dyes made from wild berries, the men gather at the edge of their village and perform the traditional dance." 

"To ward off evil spirits!" Dil said, popping his head over Tommy's shoulder and giving the rattle a shake. No sound came out of it; that would be added later in post.

"Right," Tommy said dryly. "But, of course, rattles can't be bought in the store; the nearest Wal-Mart is 500 miles away! Instead, the tribe must make their own rattles… isn't that right, Kimiko?"

"That's right Tom!" Kimi said; when on camera all three of them used their full names.

" _Where are da pictures?"_

Brian shushed his little friend. _"They haven't used the magic box to put them in."_

" _Oh. Brian? How does the mag-ies box work?"_

" _With magic!"_

" _Ah!"_ The one year old looked down at his Reptar toy. _"How does mag-ies work?"_

" _Shhhhh!"_ Brian said. His little friend pouted at that but soon forgot his question as he found watching Tommy, Dil, and Kimi far more interesting.

Kimi fought the urge to roll her eyes as she went through the instructions on how to build the Fruit Rattle. Not that it was even called that; it had an overly complex name but Tommy reasoned that 'Fruit Rattle' would work well enough for the basic tv audience. Not like the natives would be watching and even then half the tribe fought over what the rattle was officially called. Dil had even managed to convince one elder to name it "Dylan's Awesome Shaker Shaker". What annoyed Kimi though was that she knew that everything she was filming would never make it on screen. Every time they did one of these 'How is it Made?' segments Tommy chose to cut to an animated blackboard with her doing voiceover work. Even her dialogue from this shot wouldn't be used, as she and the boys would have to do dubbing in a few months to get everything sounding perfect. But Tommy lived in fear of not getting a shot he might need and Kimi cared for him too much to argue the point.

Thus why she was spouting off dialogue she knew was just a waste of time and energy.

"And then you have it. One easily made Fruit Rattle."

"Hey Kimiko?" Dil called out, shaking the rattle hard over his head. "What was that you said about-" as he said the words Dil subtly pressed on the crack their prop master had made in the fruit, causing it to burst open and shower him with sticky fruit pulp. He blinked, seeds running down his face while Tommy struggled to keep from laughing and she just shook her head. "-hollowing the fruit out first?"

All three of them froze, giving Tommy just enough time later on to edit in the segue before he called cut, the crew whooping in delight.

"Geez, Dylan, look at ya!" Steph complained, making sure to set her camera far away from the dripping redhead. "You're sticky and covered in juices." Dil opened his mouth but Steph hurried over and forced his jaw shut with two of her fingers. "Don't even."

"What?" Dil protested.

"I know what your filthy mind was thinking. Tom, why did you let him cover himself in juices? You know how hard it is going to be to clean him up?"

"Like you two weren't going to shower together after this anyway?" Tommy called out as he pulled off his jacket and tossed it to the wardrobe girl, several grips moving in to remove the fake jungle backdrop and plastic plants they'd used to recreate the South American jungle they'd visited two weeks ago. Someone shut off the hot studio lights, much to Tommy's relief, and flicked on the normal lights and activated some fans to help cool everyone down.

 _ **Thornberry Studios**_

 _ **New York, New York**_

"Hey, I'm the one that forced the issue, beautiful," Dil said, leaning forward and planting a quick kiss on his fiancée's lips. Steph rolled her eyes, keeping her body just far enough away so he didn't gloop all over her. The woman from wardrobe was glaring at the mess he'd made of his loud Hawaiian shirt but he didn't honestly care as he knew the shot was perfect. "And tell me I wasn't right, Tommy!"

"I'll have to look at the footage…" Dil just stared at him with big puppy-dog eyes and finally Tommy caved. "You were right, it was better that you got gooped."

"I know comedy," Dil said, tossed the pretty much ruined shirt aside and grabbing a wet towel and running it over his fuzzy scalp, getting much of the juices and pulp cleaned off. He could still feel the sticky liquid though and knew that Tommy was right: he needed a shower bad. But that didn't mean he had to go right away and his favorite little man was waiting for him. Hurrying past Steph's cameramen and the boom mike operator Dil made his way to the craft services table, snagging three cookies before he leaned down and picked Brian up. "And how is my favorite one and a half year old? Got a laugh for daddy?" Brian giggled and grabbed his nose, pulling on it. When Dil heard another squawk of protest he looked down and smiled. "I said one and a half year old. You are just a year old and are my favorite one-year old. You're also my favorite nephew."

"At least until Chuckie and Angela another baby," Kimi said, having removed the fake black glasses she

D been wearing and begun retying her hair into her favorite style: a top knot with two pigtails. "Now, come to mama, Louie."

Lou 'Louie' Pickles cooed and reached up to his mommy, squealing when she purposely rocketed him up and spun him around.

"Mommy's little guy was so good today… yes he was!" Kimi rubbed her nose against Louie's before kissing him on the forehead. "Now, let's say hi to daddy before he goes and locks himself in the editing bay."

Tommy grinned as he finished signing a form one of the assistants had given him, his smile only growing all the bigger as Kimi walked over and passed him their son. "Hey champ," he said, tickling Louie's stomach. "He's looks more and more like me every day," he said quietly to Kimi, who nodded in agreement. When he'd been born Louie had looked like every other baby: namely a squirming, crying, red blob of baby. But as time went on he began to look more and more like Tommy until now, at one year old, he looked almost exactly like his daddy when he'd been the same age. The only differences were that Louie had black peachfuzz on his bald little head and Kimi's dark eyes. But otherwise he was the spitting image of him. Kimi kept suggesting they put him in the old 'blue shirt and diaper' outfit but Tommy refused; partially because he'd worn that so much that he could barely stand the sight of a blue t-shirt anymore and partially because it would be creepy to walk around with his son looking like his infant clone. "Don't worry, I shouldn't be too long in editing."

"In fact you'll not be there at all!" the entire crew stopped and turned respectfully as their boss, the famed Nigel Thornberry hobbled into the room. The famed explorer's hair had gone snowy white and he now had to walk with a cane due to a bad knee but his attitude and persona still filled up any room he entered. "Simply smashing, Thomas, simply smashing!"

"Thanks Nigel," Tommy said with a grin. "We got some great stuff out there but the rains forced us to leave a day early if we wanted to make it back to New York at all. I'm just sad we couldn't get the shot on local."

"Think nothing of it, my boy!" Nigel said with a laugh. "You did most of it out in the wilds so that is good enough for me."

"Not for me, Nigel," Tommy said. "You used to go out and film and edit everything in the bush."

"Too true, too true," Nigel said, his voice growing thoughtful. He looked over at Dil as he played with his adopted-son-in-all-senses-but-on-paper-but-that-would-change-soon-enough and then Tommy with Louie and stated, "I also uprooted my family and never gave them a chance to settle down. Too much in a hurry, always needing to see something new. Glorious times, I'll admit, but when I see how things are now I envy you." He nudged Tommy in the side and said with a conspiritor's whisper, "Especially the merchandising rights. Oh my… if only I had half the deals you had, Thomas." While none of them did their work solely for the money the licensing deals Tommy and Nigel had signed for the show easily made them very comfortable. For the last six years, when things had really taken off, September to December became 'money printing time' as everything from backpacks to lunch boxes to little plastic figures to coloring books were gobbled up, each and every one featuring Tommy, Dil, and Kimi's faces. "Besides! All the other shows I produce make use of this studio… you might as well get a taste of it as well."

"These cookies are free, right?" Dil called out, Brian laughing as he began to shove some into the baby's diaper bag.

"Not the taste I meant," Nigel said with a snort.

Kimi called out in response, "Dil, I've seen your bank statements… you can afford to BUY cookies!"

"You don't stay rich by paying for your own cookies, Kimi!" Dil shot back, Steph just shaking her head as she led Brian and Dil towards the elevator. "I'll see you at breakfast, Tommy!"

"See you there, Dil! Night Steph! Night Brian!" Tommy called out before looking at his boss. "What did you mean about editing, Nigel?"

"Thomas," Nigel began, leaning on his cane as he smiled at his protégée, "we've known each other a long time. I helped you get a start in this industry and in return you continued on with my dream for showcasing the new and amazing to the world. Continued! Ha! Listen to me… my dear boy, you took it beyond my wildest hopes! My show was beloved… yours is a cultural phenomenon! Other men might be jealous at seeing those they mentor surpass them but I only feel pride that I was able to leave my mark, no matter how small, on your grand legacy. But I hope that just because you have become a big success that doesn't mean you won't listen to me from time to time. I won't be here forever, you know, and while I breathe I want to help you however I can." 

"Nigel, I will always listen to you," Tommy said honestly, clasping the old man on the shoulder. He was beginning to get worried; his mentor was getting on in years, his body getting weaker as the months dragged on. He began to worry that Nigel was hinting at something big… something ground shaking… and Tommy felt tears sting his eyes at the thought that the man that had given him his own show and helped him achieve all he had would not be long for this Earth. Nigel Thornberry had been his hero, the man had rescued him as a baby after all, and then when he was in film school Nigel had, thanks to Dil, come to reconnect with Tommy and give him his first job in the film industry. They had become friends… and then something much more. The man with the great mustache had become another father to him, helping him through the good and the bad. He'd given him a career, he'd helped ensure DIl and later Kimi could work with him… Tommy wouldn't be holding Louie right now if Nigel hadn't come into his life. All he had in the world he owed to Nigel and the thought of the old man finally moving on the the last great adventure-

"So listen to me now, Thomas: your vacation started 30 seconds ago and I just had Viggo padlock the editing bay."

"…say what?"

Nigel laughed, reaching over to tickle Louie, the tot laughing at his minstrations. "You work too hard, Thomas! This is the first vacation you've taken in ages and I refuse to let you waste a moment of it! So, the editing bay has been locked and I am, heehee, having you banned from the building until your vacation is done with. I'm also locking you out of the servers so you can't remote login and I'm having your crew ignore your phone calls for the next two weeks. Gave them nice bonuses to be insubordinate and not help you at all! No sneaking around and working, Thomas… I've thought of everything!"

"…say what?" Tommy repeated, staring at Nigel in shock.

Kimi laughed, kissing Nigel on the cheek. "You might have broken Tommy but I'm so thankful, Mr. Thornberry!"

"…say what?" Tommy whimpered.

" _You broke daddy!"_ Louie cried out. _"I sick on you! Achoo! Achoo!"_ Kimi reached over and wiped Louie's nose as he attempt to sneeze on Nigel.

"Think nothing of it! Family is important and so is knowing when to take a moment and simply enjoy them. Never forget that as much as I traveled having wild adventures I never forgot about my family… most of the time. Now then… DONNIE!" The sound of deep grunts filled the quickly studio and Tommy's crew all back away when a nearly 7 foot tall man who looked like a cross between a gorilla and a NFL Linebacker galloped in, stopping just beside Nigel. He snorted, looking down at a wide-eyed Tommy, sending strands of matted hair out of his eyes. The mountain of a man was wearing a Tarzan-like outfit… and a security guard hat. "Donnie, please escort Thomas off the premises and do not let him return until 2 and a half weeks later. Be gentle but don't let him escape… no need to have Thomas trying to claw into the editing room."

Donnie let out a random stream of grunts, animal calls, and shrieks before physically lifting Tommy up like he was a mountain man's bride.

"Is this really necessary?" Tommy asked before Donnie turned and marched towards the elevator.

" _Daddy's held like me!"_ Louie exclaimed in delight.

"Thanks sir," Kimi said.

Nigel threw an arm around her shoulder. "Think nothing of it, my dear. You are all practically family! And I look after my family!"

"Uh, Donnie, normally we wait for the elevator to appear before we go down the shaaaaaa!"

Nigel grimaced at Tommy's scream, Kimi's eyes going wide. "You… may want to go check on them."

"…we're okay!" Tommy called out, his crew bursting into laughter, Kimi just shaking head head.

" _Me next! Me next!"_ Louie squealed.


	4. Clowns to the Left of Me, Jokers to the

Susan (Susie to her friends) Carmichael wished she were on a plane to California. Even if it were in couch with an obese man pressing up against her side and a drunk passed on the other. At this point she'd even be willing to locked up in one of those dog crates and spend the entire flight in the baggage hold. She'd simply rather be on her way back to California to enjoy her much earned vacation, than sit in her office a second more and listen to the windbag sitting on the other side of her desk.

She'd dreamed of being a singer. Of being up on stage, entertaining millions, her name in lights and fans screaming as she began her latest power ballad. But many dreams were simply that and Susie had long put aside her hopes of stardom in pursuit of the more mundane. She still sang, of course, and just last week had participated in a small benefit for a local animal shelter, but that was the most that had come of her aspirations. No, Susie had accepted that such prestige wasn't in the cards.

So she'd settled for being a Senator.

 _ **Washington DC- The Office of Susan Carmichael, Junior Senator of California (Independent)**_

"Are you listening to me?"

Susie forced a smile on her face. "Of course I am, Alex. I have been for the last 40 minutes." He opened his mouth to protest her attitude and Susie held up a hand. "Alex, you've repeated the same talking points now four times. We aren't on the Senate floor and this isn't a filibuster. We already did that this week."

Alex slumped down in his seat, annoyed, but it was clear she'd gotten to him. "Yeah... you did great though yesterday."

Susie nodded graciously. "Which part did you like best? When I compared that bill to Jabba the Hutt or when I began to read out the episode summaries of LOST?"

"Both good but I preferred when you began quoting the Pokémon movie."

The junior senator laughed. "I hope Herman Cain loved that one!"

Alex chuckled as well, his posture becoming less rigid. The senior senator from Ohio was a massive stick in the mud (to use a polite term) but had mellowed with old age and was able, at times, to actually take a breath and act like a human being and not a trope-spouting Reaganite. It never lasted, of course, and Susie was sure he'd be back to being a massive prick within minutes, but for the moment she'd enjoy the peace . "Nearly 17 hours, Susan... that was breathtaking. You filibuster with the best of them!"

"I aim to please."

Susie hadn't planned to get into politics. After stumbling around college for a few years, switching her major nearly every semester, she'd wondered if she'd ever find what she was meant to do. It hadn't helped that all her friends seemed to stumble right into the perfect careers. Angelica had her non-profit, Chuckie had finished his doctorate and writing his first book while Phil was finishing on his three doctrines (three! Susie still didn't know how that boy did it!), Lil was just out of Quantico after blasting through the courses, Kimi was a household name thanks to her column in _Pout_ and Tommy and Dil had just been announced as the successors to Nigel Thornberry. Meanwhile Susie was taking the odd internship and dealing with her mother suggesting new career paths each day.

And then _**it**_ happened: a freshman at UCLA went to the police and the school's dean and revealed that she'd been raped by the college's star quarterback during a sorority party. The police had begun an investigation but the school refused to cooperate, throwing roadblocks up at every turn. Worse, information got leaked about the freshman concerning her high school years that painted her as a slut who slept around with everyone and anyone. Much of the school's top brass just wiped their hands of the whole affair and when students had asked for help from then Republican Congressman Sandles, a graduate of UCLA himself, he'd declared that the girl was clearly lying and looking for attention.

Susie had been livid. She'd never met the freshman, had never got to the sorority where the rape occurred (Susie had a hard enough time picking a major, let alone where to pledge), and knew nothing about the school's football team... but for so many people to simply brush aside the accusations had made her stomach curdle and her soul burn with outrage. 24 hours after Rep. Sandles made his comments Susie had organized a protest on the school's main grounds. Things had quickly snowballed, with students from all years and departments walking out on mass to join her sit-out. Newspapers were contacted, people began to investigate the details, and it soon came out that the quarterback had been accused 18 months earlier of raping a girl in Texas when the team had gone to play a game there. Once more the situation had been swept under the rug. When reporters for the LA Times found a source who testified that Sandles had personally spoken to the police in Texas to get them to drop the case, in the name of 'fair play' the house of cards had come tumbling down. The quarterback was arrested and found guilty before sent back to Texas to face charges for the rape there. The dean and half of the board were fired. And Rep. Sandles was forced to vacate office in disgrace.

The Democrats had come to ask Susie to run for Sandles seat, much to her shock. She'd tried to explain that she didn't even have a degree yet, let alone the experience to go to Washington, but the Dems had felt that this was a plus; Susie was an outsider and broke the usual mold for representatives and her passion would make her a perfect candidate. They weren't alone in thinking this; a group of Tea Party Republicans had also seen Susie's work and expressed an interest in her running. They said that Susie's push for justice as well as her support for the police (while some left wingers had attacked the police for not doing more Susie had seen how they were trying and refused to make them the focus of her ire) showed she could be just the perfect candidate for the House.

Susie had refused them both. She felt both sides, while having points she agreed with, were too entrenched in their partisan bickering to do any real good and that if she joined with them she'd become a puppet. Instead, with the help of her parents and some lucky breaks, she'd formed a coalition of Third Parties and run as an Independent, squeaking on a win to claim the vacated seat.

At the time of the win many pundits had claimed that Susie's victory would mean little and that within 3 months no one even in her own district would remember her name. She'd proven them all wrong. She was her mother's daughter and midway though her first term her name was whispered along the corridors of power. It was said that she was the one that got things done. Susie didn't get bills passed (or killed, if need be) through bravado or fiery rhetoric, though she could use both if the situation called for it. No, it was her ability to wield the compromise that saw her star rise and men and women three times her age seek her out for help. She could cut through bullshit, find the heart of the matter, and most importantly of all get both sides of the aisle to come together for the greater good. She played both sides, earning the scorn from plenty of extremists (Sean Hannity had declared her 'the devil come to seduce Washington'; she was thinking of getting that put on a coffee mug) but the love of a public tired of politicians doing nothing and the respect of her peers. When one of the California Senators had announced he was retiring he'd shocked the country by endorsing Susie, who hadn't even put her name in the running, rather than another Democrat to take his place. Pressure from both sides of the center had seen her run and win with a solid majority and she'd taken her skills from the House to the Senate.

Just the other day she'd engaged with the Republicans in filibustering a bill, managing to kill it before it came to a vote. Because of this the honorable Alex Keaton of Ohio thought she was on his side and thus was aghast that she'd thrown her support behind a spending bill he'd been targeting.

"I just don't get it... why are you pushing so hard for this when you were against that horrid bill yesterday?"

Susie slid over to the mini fridge she kept tucked in the corner of her office and grabbed a bottle of Coke, offering one to Alex who declined. Her eyes lingered for a moment on a photo she'd taped onto it of her holding her twin girls, the then two-month olds letting out little yawns, before focusing once more on Alex. "That bill," she said as she twisted the cap, a hiss of carbon filling the air, "was loaded with so much pork I was surprised it didn't oink. It had more dog ears than a kennel. I was going to kill that because wasteful spending is killing this country. But today's bill? You are talking about slashing PBS's budget." She took a sip of her pop before asking, "What did Big Bird do to you?"

Alex glared at her. "It is a waste of taxpayer money! We pay for these shows-"

"That provide free entertainment and education to our country's youth," Susie stated. "As well as providing culture to those that might never be able to afford it."

"-when we could be spending so much more on important things... like the military! Defending this country should be our top priority."

Susie had guzzled her coke in record time and held up a finger as she chucked the bottle into her recycling bin. Alex tilted his head as Susie leaned back, considering what he said... and let out a belch.

"Sorry, that was the best I could come up with." Keaton looked ready to explode once again and Susie slammed her hand down on the table, startling the anger right out of him. "Alright, you've been wasting my time now for almost an hour and I don't want you screwing up my vacation so I am going to lay it out for you: you can't win this, Alex. I've already crunched the numbers and I have the votes to win."

"A little too confident in your abilities?" Alex asked, his tone growing mocking. Susie smirked; he'd decided to insult rather than scream. Good. "Your numbers aren't as sure as you think. I got off the phone with Sentaor Merzlak and he said-"

"He said what I told him to say," Susie stated, cutting Alex off. "He texted me about your little attempt to threaten him into voting with you... he ended it with the smiling poop emoji. Your allies are drifting away from you like rats from a sinking ship. They've all seen the data I sent them: children who watch Public Broadcasting are more likely to succeed in their first three years of school and have an overall higher graduation rate than their non-watching counterparts. They have better understanding of math and English and their people skills are better too. They show empathy more and are more willing to share." She reached into her desk and pulled out a folder, flopping it on the desk. "We give PBS roughly 500 million a year... of course that is split among NPR as well but let's keep this simple. That same amount of money would buy us one Navy F-35c. We couldn't even get another generic F-35 with the change left over from that sale. National security is important but I seriously doubt our enemies will lay down their arms because they spot one more plane in the air. What I do now is for the millions of children benefit from PBS and I'm not going to let a war hawk like you doom them because you want to make a name for yourself as a military man because you didn't have the balls to join up."

Susie paused, considering her words. "No, I take that back... I am going to help you make a name for yourself, Alex. You fight me on this and I will make sure everyone in this country knows you are the guy that tried to murder Elmo." She saw the way he cringed at that and knew she had him. "Oh, can't you see Jimmy Fallon doing jokes about that? Conan having a guy dressed as you hacking off Bert's head while Ernie watches? The political cartoonists will have a field day. I can write up the speech right now and give it on the floor the first chance I get. You'll be ducking phone calls from upset parents who have to explain to little Billy why the mean Senator wants to declare jihad on Mr. Hooper's store. So think long and hard about this Alex... you can either work with me..."

"Or against you?" Alex muttered; he knew he was defeated and knew Susie knew.

"Or get crushed under my boot." She smiled sweetly and pointed to the door. "Unless there is anything else I need to finish packing for my vacation."

Alex stood up, gathering his stuff and heading to the door, trying to hold his head high. He was just into the hallway when he poked his head back in. "Hey Carmichael..." she looked up and saw he was smiling an innocent smile, "who the hell taught you to be such a bitch?"

"Angelica Finster, mostly," she said with a smirk. "See ya next session." Alex left and Susie sighed, putting the folder away before head out the door.

She really needed this vacation. If only because her babies would be more mature than her fellow Senators.

~MC~MC~MC~

 _ **30 minutes west of Yucaipa, California**_

"Lil, I am seriously ten seconds away from putting you in one of Benny's diaper."

Glaring at her twin, Lil huffed as she struggled to get out of Phil's van, Langdon calling out for her to stop and wait for him to get around and assist. A retort that waiting for him to get out is what got her pregnant in the first place danced on the tip of her tongue but remembering that there were little ears about she bit her tongue and focused on her exploding bladder. She'd already half waddled to the rest stop by the time Langdon caught up to her, offering her his arm for support. Lil really wanted to smack the limb away but Clair, clearing wanting her to keep going, began to thrash about, egging Lil on.

"At least this is better than the last one," Langdon reasoned as he led her inside. When they'd stopped a half hour ago to let her use the bathroom it had been little more than a concrete building with some dust covered pamphlets advertising the 'Grand Opening Of California Adventure!' and a toilet that let out a gurgle when flushed that sounded like a sick demon dry heaving after a night of binge drinking. This one was one of the major stops, about the size of a small Wal-Mart and featuring a mall-style food court, two gift shops, several pristine restrooms, a bank of phones for those that hadn't gotten with the digital age, and even a shower and changing area for truckers looking to freshen up after a long night. It was the type of stop that would delight little tykes and make them feel like it was the best part of their vacation. "Gina wanted to stretch her legs anyway and I'm sure Pete and Ben would like to get some fresh air."

"I know they would," Lil said as they made their way past the little giftshop and towards the restrooms. "When we were their age Phil and I HATED long car trips. Or boat trips… or plane trips… or just being stuck in one place for way too long. Langdon?"

"Yes?" her boyfriend said.

"I can go into the bathroom by myself."

"Ah."

Waddling as fast as she could, Lil made it to one of the stalls and sank down in relief. "Can't let mommy off easy, can you?" she whispered to Clair.

" _Why you dwink so much in the first place?"_ Clair wanted to reply back, assuming she was able to talk. _"Daddy warned you nots too!"_

As she took care of her business Lil dealt with the growing dread and horror that had been swelling up in her since they'd begun the trip: namely, remembering what a little terror she and Phil had been and realizing that soon she'd be the adult that had to care for a wild child baby. She sat on the porcelain throne, eye wide with panic and her breath coming out in sharp gasps as she thought upon all the close calls of her youth. While she had dismissed it when talking to Phil and couldn't remember much of the details (other than a few wispy things, like the echoes of a long past dream), the fact that by the time she had been two years old she had been lost in a forest, pretty much kidnapped by a crazed Parisian woman with delusions of grandeur, and been in a boat sinking AND trapped in a mini sub deep under the ocean…

Lil hugged her stomach and began to rock back and forth.

How were her parents not insane? How? She felt like she was losing it and her baby wasn't even born yet! Only it was worse for her because at least her parents had normal jobs… she was a friggin' Federal Agent who chased down known murderers, thieves, and rapists. Yesterday she'd run three blocks to catch a gang leader and only now realized just how much danger she'd placed Clair in. The kid wasn't even out of the womb and was already getting into adventures!

Lil forced her eyes shut, counting to ten before she drove her metaphorical fist into her fear's stomach, doubling it over and cramming it back deep within her mind. Pulling up the sweatpants that made her look like she'd given up on ever looking trendy and fashionable but were just so comfy and convenient, she made way to the sink to wash up. When she saw no paper towels she grunted in annoyance ("death to the stupid hand blowers" Lil muttered) and went back to the stall, grabbing some toilet paper, wadding it up before she soaked it under the tap and began to run it along her forehead and neck. California was always hot but a heat wave plus pregnant plus stupid pregnancy brain fears meant she was roasting and while she had surrendered to the siren song of sweatpants she would NOT walk around looking like a sweaty ball of fat and hormones.

Looking herself in the mirror Lil scowled, glaring at her reflection. "Knock it off, would you? You face down death every day and you are scared about something that hasn't happened yet? Get it together, Lillian!"

"But this isn't about you," her reflection seemed to answer back. "In a few weeks it will never be 'just you' again. You have a baby. Can't break up with this one when you want some space. Can't go off half cocked thinking "It's me vs. the world" anymore. It will never be only you ever again. You are going to be a mommy and you have to be there for her."

"You think I don't know that!" Lil snapped. "But I'm not going to let anything happen to Clair! I survived and she will survive too! Hell, she will thrive! I'm not going to be one of those helicopter parents that doesn't let their child even touch a blade of grass because they are scared of what happened. Clair will have fun, do amazing things, and live a long, happy life!" Lil's determined face fell and she bit her lip. "Right?"

Her reflection didn't say anything.

Sighing, Lil tossed the wet wad of toilet paper in the trash and made her way out of the bathroom, letting out a sigh of gratitude when she saw that Langdon, while waiting for her, had grabbed a few candy bars from a kiosk next to the food court. Accepting a Snickers she let her boyfriend lead her over to a table where Phil sat with a bag of burgers and a round of paper cups filled with sodas, Petey still in his baby carrier as Phil fed him some apple sauce. Her nephew turned his head when she approached, cooing for a moment only to turn back when Phil accidently smeared food on his check instead of in his mouth. Petey just looked at his daddy and Lil chuckled as he began to inhale her Snickers.

"Sorry buddy," Phil said, grabbing a wet nap and cleaning the 8 month old up. He dipped the spoon into the jar again, scratching at his beard as he nodded at the bags. "Gina decided we might as well get lunch now. By the time we get to the hotel and get settled in it'll be too late to hit up mom's for lunch and we don't need any cranky crying because someone's hungry… and I'd rather not have Benny and Petey upset either."

"Eat worms, Phillip," Lil snorted as she unwrapped a chicken sandwich and sunk her teeth into it. Langdon, for his part, had to be weird and unwrapped his burger and his fish sandwich and began his task of combining the two into a Frankenmeal. "I still can't believe mom isn't throwing more of a fit about us not staying at the house."

"There are too many of us now," Phil reasons. "With the kids, you and Langdon, plus her and dad… remember, mom turned the guest room into a 'Ma'am Cave' two years ago."

"Besides," Gina said as she walked over, joining the conversation, "it's hard to say no when Senator Carmichael is making all the hotel arrangements."

"When is Susie supposed to get in, anyway?" Phil asked.

Lil shrugged as Gina sat Benny down beside her and began to set out his food. "It will be a close shave to make it to dad's party from the sounds of it but she is hopeful she can sneak away… all depends on the vote coming up. If not then she'll get here in time for Mrs. Pickles' retirement party."

" _Why you get ta go into the toy store and I couldn't?"_ Petey complained, looking at his brother.

"You were too little to go," Benny said. "There were glass things that could break. We didn't get anything though, we just looked. Pwomise."

"What was that?" Gina asked.

Benny pointed at his brother. "Petey wanted to go in the toy store and I was 'splainin' why he couldn't." The 8 month old gurgled as he sucked on the spoon Phil had stuck in his mouth.

"Still acting as a little translator I see," Langdon said with a smile.

"Don't get cocky," Phil said. "According to Chuckie babies are smarter than we think. Angelica still claims we talked to her all the time back when we were in diapers. Not that she can remember much of what we said but she still has the sense that it happened."

"I just don't see it," Langdon admitted, reaching over and poking Petey playfully on the tummy. "Babies are cute and they are definitely alive but they aren't holding secret conversations and plotting."

" _Uncle Langdon's pickin' on me! Benny, I'm gonna spit up on him!"_

Benny merely shrugged, winking at his brother.

" _Great, now daddy's stupid too!"_ Clair thought as she kicked at the womb in frustration. _"Spit up on him for me!"_


	5. Fly away, Fly away

_**Palm Sprints International Airport**_

"Yes… yes ma, I hear ya!" The heavy set business man sat down heavily in his chair, his phone pressed to his ear, a look of utter weariness crossing his face. "No ma, I am sure the Philippino next door isn't stealing your paper. What? How do I know? Because he's agoraphobic!" The man paused, rolling his eyes. "No, it isn't an act!"

" _Hmmm…"_ Melinda said, tapping a crayon against the pad of paper she clutched in her chubby little hand. She was sitting next to the haggard man, waiting for her daddy to come back from the car rental desk, her mommy on the phone with Melinda's grandmommy letting her know they'd made it. Melinda was fine with her parents doing their own thing as it was clear this man was in need of a psychic-ologist and she was the baby for the job! Her little face screwed up in concentration as she thought over the problem carefully, consulting all the highly respectable medical books and films she'd seen. _"I t'ink your mommy t'inks the neighbor is a monster. But monsters are fun! They make us laugh to make lightboobies light up! Show her Monsters, INC! That will fix everyt'ing!"_ Melinda paused, looking down at her notepad. _"But you also need to be nicer to her! She's your mommy, she loves you! I sub'cribe 50 ceecees of pudding, stat!"_ She ripped the page she'd been scribbling on out of her notebook and waved it at that man.

He hung up his phone just in time to see Melinda waving the paper at him. He smiled, making sure the baby's mother saw what he was doing, and gently took the picture. "Is this for me?" Melinda nodded, giving him a gummy smile. "Thank you, princess. I needed that." He stood up, carefully folding the paper and sticking it in his pocket before heading off to find a taxi.

" _Take two cupcakes and call me in the morning!"_ Melinda cried out as he left. _"Ask for Melinda Finster, MDDDDD!"_

"We'll be at the hotel in about an hour, mom, but we'll need to unpack and get Melinda a nap… she did well on the plane but I know the time difference is really going to mess with her. So let's say we do a late supper, okay? Maybe around 7pm? I'll text you when it gets closer with details. Love you too." Angelica hung up and slid her phone into her pocket before looking down at her daughter. "You did very well, sweetie. You didn't cry that much and stayed still and I am very proud of you." She leaned down and kissed her daughter's fuzzy head. "Now we need daddy to come back with the car and we can go and get settled in at the hotel. See what Aunt Susie got for us… and pray it isn't a dump."

"It's Susie, Ang," Chuck said as he walked up to them, a set of keys dangling from his index finger. "And it's that Holiday Inn just outside of town… it should be fine." 

"Holiday Inn Express," Angelica muttered.

"And suites," Chuck said. "And come on, its Yucaipa… we aren't going to find the Ritz setting up shop there. And we aren't going to be spending a ton of time there… we'll be in town with family for most of the trip."

"That's true," Angelica admitted. While she was no where near as vain as she had been in her teen years she did like the finer things in life. She'd spent a year remodeling their place in Chicago and had personally worked with the designers for their Foundation's main office to make it both practical and beautiful. Just because she had learned some humility didn't mean she was ready to slum it. Luckily Chuck and her made more than enough money to allow her to indulge a bit (thanks to, in part, Chuck's books combined with Angelica's business sense and her cunning when it came to the stock market) and her husband understood her needs and let her do what she wanted when it came to decorating… within reason. "It does have a pool, right?"

Chuck laughed. Angelica was a swimming nut and had already begun to work on getting Melinda to love the water as much as she did. The two had been taking 'Mommy and Me' swimming classes since Melinda was 6 months old and the baby was like a fish in the water. "Yes, and a hot tub in case we can convince Charlotte and Drew to babysit for a night."

"Convince? You make it sound like we'll be able to keep them away from Melinda. Mom and dad already have 4 weeks worth of Grandma and Grandpa time with her that they want to cram into 14 days." Melinda gurgled at this, realizing that they were discussing her. Angelica reached down and lifted the tot up, settling her into the baby harness she wore over his shirt. Melinda kicked and giggled as her parents grabbed the cart that held all their luggage and made their way to collect their rental. Honestly, Angelica didn't understand how their families had managed to pack so lightly during all their family vacations. With just Melinda Chuck and her were dragging around enough supplies for an army. "Do you remember it always being this hot?" she asked as they made their way past busy terminals and long snaking security lines.

"We're used to the Midwest," Chuck reasoned. "Remember how weirded out Phil was when he visited last year for that conference and had to deal with snow that didn't melt away in a day?"

Angelica chuckled at that. Phil had stayed at their place when he'd been asked to give a lecture at a meeting of other bug and slime guys and gals. "He finally understood our problems with commutes in February." Angelica noticed Chuck looking longingly at a Starbucks and shook her head. "No…"

"Come on, the jet lag is already hitting me." 

"Yes and medicating with coffee will not help," Angelica said.

"I can't believe you of all people are preaching the avoidance of caffeine," Chuck complained. "You used to drink 20 cups of the stuff every day!"

"And then I had to go 9 months dry," Angelica reminded him, glancing down at Melinda; the baby wasn't paying attention as she was more focused on all the exciting new things she was seeing.

" _Mommy! Look! That trash can is diff'ent than the one at home! Take pic-ture!"_

Now that they were safely off the plane Angelica reached into the diaper bag and pulled out Katrina, Melinda squealing in pure bliss as she grabbed her doll and hugged her tight. After all the times Angelica had lost Cynthia (who was currently back in Chicago in the special display box Tommy had given her 12 years ago for Christmas) she was determined to keep a firm eye on her daughter's beloved doll. Melinda began to babble happily to the doll, Angelica chuckling as her baby reunited with the dolly she hadn't seen for 35 minutes. "So, what is the schedule?"

While Chuck had gotten over most of his fears Angelica knew that her husband could still get frazzled in hectic situations. The best way to counter this was the same way she helped little ones that had to be removed from their homes and placed in foster care: give them as much power as you could. For the little kids that meant suggesting foster parents let them pick out their own clothing or suggest what they should have for supper once a week. For Chuck it meant letting him set up their schedules when they went on vacation. While Angelica was a control freak and would have preferred to handle things on her own she knew that he needed this power and surrendered it to him. Luckily he wasn't one of those people that needed to schedule every moment of a vacation down to the last second so Angelica never felt that her vacation was little more than rushing from one place to another.

"You call your mom yet?" Chuck asked as he clicked the key fob in his hand and raising the hatch of the SUV he'd rented for the next two weeks. Chuck had figured with how much they had to bring for Melinda plus needing to haul supplies to the parties and most likely carpool with their friends the extra space would be welcomed. He knew that Tommy would, at the very least, be getting a van for the major trips but if they all didn't want to drive around on their own they'd need several vehicles with a lot of space.

First he put in both his and Angelica's massive bags in the car, then their toiletry bags, and finally the bags that held their formal wear for Charlotte's retirement party and the Finster's anniversary party. Then began the moving of Mt. Melinda: her suitcase (just as big as theirs), her fold-up stroller, her own little toiletry bag, a bag filled with books, toys, and stuffed animals, her walk-and-go, and her booster seat. Then, just to remove any extra space in the back, he tossed his and Angelica's carry-ons on top, which had their Ipads, laptops, and other odds and ends.

"Yeah," Angelica said, getting Melinda set up in her car seat while Chuck loaded up. "Said meet them at 7 for supper. Thinking we go someplace casual... what about that pizza place on Elms?"

"Pepper's? Yeah, that would work. Nice enough for your parents but casual enough for Melinda." Shutting the hatch Chuck checked his phone, swiping at the screen. "I figure that to help with jet lag we should wait to eat till 2. We can grab something from the vending machine at the hotel and then while you get Melinda settled in for her nap I can walk around and find someplace to eat."

Angelica instantly picked up where her husband left off, pulling out her phone as he pocketed his and started up the SUV. "There is a Subway a block and a half from the hotel. I need something cool until I get used to the heat again. Could get me a cold cut and you could grab that meatball marinara you like."

Chuck nodded, backing out of the parking spot and making his way towards the freeway. "Good. No idea when Phil and Lil will roll in and with Tommy, Kimi, and Dil they could already be at the hotel or not get there till dusk so I figure we hold off trying to find them until after eating with your folks. Worst comes to worse we see everyone at breakfast."

"Sounds good. After Melinda's nap we can walk around the downtown and pick up her diapers and food for the next few days. I'm sure my mom, Kiri, and Aunt Didi will have plenty but better safe than sorry."

Chuck nodded in agreement. "Sounds like a plan, Ang." The two lapsed into comfortable silence, Angelica reaching for the radio and flipping through the stations. "I think this is going to be a great vacation-"

"DOOMED! WE ARE ALL DOOMED!" a preacher bellowed when Angelica flipped to a religious station. "FALL TO YOUR KNEES AND DESPAIR FOR THERE IS NO HOPE!"

Melinda began to cry, startled by the loud noise.

"That was just bad timing," Angelica muttered.

~MC~MC~MC~

 _ **Somewhere Above Yucaima**_

 _"I don't get why they like these,"_ Louie said, picking of a piece of paper his mommy had dropped and waving it about. _"You can't even draw on it... someone put squiggles on it! What's the point?"_

Brian, who by the fact that he was older than his cousin by 6 months was Louie's guide to everything, looked up from the glow-in-the-dark Magic Burst Reptar (from the Reptar the Mystic series where Reptar had to go to wizard school so he could defeat the evil Goblin King). _"I think mommy called it Aunt Kimi's fan snail."_

Louie tilted the paper back and forth, brow furrowed. _"It's a pretty flat snail."_

 _"I think she means it's brought by a snail. They are the ones that do the squiggles... snails don't have no hands so they can't draws any good."_

 _"Oh... that makes sense!"_ Louie stood up, wavering slightly before he began to toddle over to his parents. _"Mommy, lookie! I'm a snail!"_

"Oh, thank you sweetheart," Kimi said, collecting the letter Louie had brought her. "Now, go play with Brian for a few more minutes. We'll be landing soon and you'll have to be buckled into your car seats before then." She patted her baby on the head, Louie hugging her leg before he half ran, half stumbled back to Brian. He'd been flying in Tommy and Dil's private plane ever since he'd been born and both he and Brian were used to it, seeing it as home. If they'd flown commercial the two tots would have had to sit with their parents, unable to do much other than just be rocked back and forth; in the private plane they could stretch their legs while their parents caught up on answering the letters their fans sent.

"How can it be called a car seat if we only use it in the plane?" Dil asked as he blew into one of the already opened envelopes, pulling out the contents. After a rash of celebrities getting sent all manner of strange and, frighteningly enough, dangerous items being sent to them Nigel had decided that none of his on-air talent would receive any fan mail that wasn't properly screened. All three of them hated that, as the letters were supposed to be personal messages to them from fans young and old, but with little ones about none of the stars of 'Journey Into The Unknown' were going to risk their families.

"This isn't going to be like the conversation about calling them water bottles if we never put water in them, is it?" Steph asked. She was curled across the aisle from them, reading a cheap romance novel and laughing at all the stupid parts.

"It's a valid point that must be addressed!" Dil declared.

"Address it after we finish this last batch," Tommy said with a grin as he finished signing a photo of the team, sliding it over to Kimi so she could sign. "We're going to be landing soon and I want this all done before the plane touches down."

"Afraid Nigel will kill you if you don't relax?" Kimi asked with a smile.

Tommy huffed. "Why is it that you all think I am some workaholic stick-in-the-mud? Are you forgetting who you are talking to? I'm Tommy Pickles... the most exciting kid ever!"

Steph turned a page. "Well, you evolved into Thomas Pickles, the man who once spent 20 hours editing one shot of a grasshopper."

"You just love bringing that up!" Tommy said with a huff, though his smile told them he was taking the ribbing in good humor. "Okay, so sometimes TV Tom and Real Life Tommy blend a bit too closely but I'm not like Aunt Charlotte! I can pull myself away from my computer."

Kimi patted his hand. "Okay, that's true. You haven't even sneaked a peak once the entire flight."

"That we know of," Dil said with a laugh as he finished signing the group shot and sealed it in the return envelope before grabbing the next bit of mail for him; it was a crayon drawing by a little boy who said he wanted to be just like Dil when he grew up. Deciding to add that one to his scrape book (which he looked at whenever he was feeling down in the dumps as a reminder of all the joy he brought to the world), he said, "I tried to spy on him when he went to the bathroom but someone pulled me away."

"You aren't allowed to watch my husband do that," Kimi stated simply as she finished the last of her letters.

"We've all seen each other naked, I don't get what the big deal is."

"We were 3," Tommy complained. "The point is that I actually do want to focus on anything but work for the next two weeks... Nigel locking me out of the editing bay-"

"And kicking you out of the building, don't forget that," Kimi teased.

"-was the best thing. Removed temptation until I could get up in the air."

"Is that a hint of melancholy I hear in our fearless leader's voice?" Steph asked with a smirk.

"...yeah," Tommy admitted. Kimi, Dil, and Steph all looked at each other, realizing the conversation had taken a serious turn and the time for jokes was over. Kimi reached over and squeezed Tommy's hand while Dil began to clean up, knowing his brother would speak when he was ready. Tommy might have played the calm, aloof, and (some would say) straightman on their show Kimi and Dil knew that he was still the adventurous boy they'd all grown up with. If he were being this serious they knew what he had to say was important. "I didn't mean to bring the mood down," Tommy lightly joked.

"What's wrong?" Dil asked, motioning for Tommy to scoot over so he could sit next to him, Kimi on the other side to sandwich him in. Steph shut her book and took Dil's chair across from them, her snark wiped away as her boss spoke.

"I don't know... you ever feel like you worked hard to get to the place you dreamed to be and now you're just spinning your tires?" He drummed his fingers on the table. "I'm not talking about personal stuff, mind you. I'm a dad and a husband and I get to work with the best brother in the world and the best crew and my wife and I spend so much time together..." each of his friends... his family... smiled at that, "...it's just the professional aspect of it. I feel like I'm in a rut."

"Is that why you wanted to do the rattle break gag?" Dil asked. He had thought that a tad unusual; Tommy and him were like Abbot and Castelo, with Tommy being the straight man and him being the jokester. It was their bit, their style… Tommy wanting to switch things up had been odd. But he'd just chalked it up to his brother being nice and wanting to Dil off from being gooped. Clearly it was something more.

"Yeah, I guess... I'm thankful for the show, don't get me wrong... but we've been doing it for almost a decade. There isn't anything new anymore. You guys are great," Tommy quickly added, not wanting to offend Kimi and Dil by letting them think he was insulting their talents on camera, "and the shows are great quality..."

"You just don't enjoy it like you used to," Steph finally said.

"Yeah," Tommy stated. "I feel like I'm an actor putting on the same play, night after night. The lines might change but it is the same story. There is nothing fresh, nothing exciting. We could change the title to 'Journey into Completely Known and Expected'." He waved his hand about lazily. "The grasshopper... I used to care so much about the show I spent 20 hours on that shot. Now I know exactly what I need and can get the show edited in a few hours. Even when I try new wipes or scene placements I just feel... bored."

Kimi was quiet for a moment, looking down at their joined hands. "...I haven't written an article for the magazine since Louie was born."

That surprised Dil and Tommy. They'd reconnected with Kimi during their second year doing the show, back when her sole job was traveling the world and finding new fashion trends and reporting about it for the style magazine _Pout_. Tommy had hit on the idea of using Kimi in a segment, just for fun, and she'd agreed to it, thinking it would be good for a laugh. When Nigel had seen the footage he'd contacted _Pout_ and made an agreement for Kimi to work on the show and write articles part time in exchange for the magazine and show cross-promoting each other. It had worked out perfectly for both mediums and Kimi had within 10 episodes become a staple of 'Journey', crystallizing 'The Trinity'.

When she'd gotten pregnant with Louie she'd decided to cut back, getting a leave of absence from _Pout_ and doing her parts for the show on a soundstage, leaving Tommy and Dil to hike through overgrowth and climb crumbling stone structures. Once Louie was 4 months old Kimi had slowly begun easing back into the daily grind and now her workload was the same as it had been pre-pregnancy.

Or so they'd thought.

Kimi looked down at the table, running her finger along the grain, unable to look up at her family. She'd hated that she'd been lying to them for the last 8 months and didn't want to see the looks on their faces as she spilled her guts. "It isn't writer's block. I've written-written 10 articles. You know how I work… bare bones it, get opinions, then do a final draft. But every first draft… I just kept telling my editor that I didn't like'em. They weren't right. And they weren't. I… I don't know it's… it's like they don't matter anymore. I sit down to try and force myself to write a new one and all I can think about is how I'd rather be helping you guys out or Louie needs me or I see Brian toddle by…" Kimi stopped rambling when Tommy removed his hand from her grasp, for one horrid second causing her to fear he was going to move away, only for him to wrap his arm around her and give her a squeeze.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Tommy mumbled, nuzzling her cheek.

"I felt stupid. You were doing the show and acting like everything was the same-"

"Acting being the key word," Tommy told her.

Steph stood up, sensing exactly what the couple needed. Louie looked at her in confusion as she picked him up, as he knew it wasn't time for the plane to land, but when she brought him over to his mommy and daddy he merely smiled and reached out for them. Mommy and daddy looked a touch sad and he knew that Louie-hugs would cure everything! His mommy smiled and accepted him, kissing his nose while Steph went and got Brian, bringing him over and setting him near Louie on the table beside her.

" _Why is mommy sad?"_ Louie asked, reaching up and running his little hand over her cheek.

" _Hmmm… I bet she's cranky. Need a nap!"_ Brian reasoned.

Louie accepted this answer because Brian was older and tended to know more than him. Brian was the one that had taught him to talk like a big baby, after all! " _Daddy, get mommy to nap! I'll deal with snail's mail!"_ He kicked out, trying to shove a piece of paper away, but it only moved about an inch. _"…in a minute! I'll deal with in a minute!"_ Louie kicked harder but the stubborn letter didn't want to go more than an inch at a time. Finally Tommy, who was chuckling at his son's actions, reached over and put the letter in the box with the rest of the fan mail. _"I loosened it for you!"_ Louie declared. He didn't know what that meant but he'd heard daddy say that to mommy a few times and it sounded cool. Satisfied that he'd proven himself a big strong baby that could take care of his parents he promptly forgot what they were talking about and focused on pretending to be a kitty as his mommy rubbed his back.

"Listen, of anyone you know I'm the one who gets that kids change your world view," Steph said, watching as Brian played with his Reptar doll. She glanced over, her smile falling slightly when she saw Dil clenching his fist; he did not like remembering how she'd first come to them, pregnant and alone, her boyfriend of 4 years having dumped her when she refused to abort the baby. "I was pulling in 6 figures as a producer when Brian came along but that didn't matter all of a sudden. It was like a switch was flipped and I needed to do something completely different. Suits thrown in the trash, passport renewed, and I signed up with you guys to be a camerawoman. The point is that family changes things so you shouldn't be surprised that having Louie is making you rethink your lives."

Dil, blocking out all memory of his fiancée's asshole ex (lest he decided to pay the bastard a visit), plastered a grin on his face. "Now, for anyone else this might be a problem but for you two I'd say you're in the perfect position to figure all this out. Unless you guys have been blowing your money on Reptar dolls, and in your case Tommy I could believe that," his brother stuck his tongue out at him, "you guys have more than enough money to do whatever the heck you want. You can retire forever or buy a book store or make Youtube videos starring the babies." 

" _We get to be Tubey stars!"_ Brian exclaimed, waving his hands in the air.

Dil chuckled as the baby he already saw as his own gurgled and screeched happily. "We have two weeks without any work, which should give you guys plenty of time to recharge. Maybe after the vacation you'll be ready to get back to work. Maybe not. But I'm with ya both no matter what you decide."

Tommy grinned, bumping fists with his brother. "Thanks Dil."

"Alright, enough of feeling sorry for ourselves because we are rich and do amazing things," Kimi said with a self-deprecating smirk, "what are our plans for the next two weeks? Beyond the three parties and seeing our folks."

"Well, I know mom and dad have offered to babysit for us," Dil said, reaching over and pulling Brian over to him, the 18 month old not even noticing as he fiddled with his reptar doll. Dil had tried to get him into Goober but the tyke was around Tommy too much and he, along with Louie, were just as Reptar crazy as Uncle Tommy. "Mom especially. She really wants to spend some time just her and her grandbabies. Assuming we can arrange schedules with everyone else I definitely want all of us to hang out together. Maybe hit a bar?"

"God, I haven't gone clubbing in ages," Steph said with a goofy little smile.

"There is a waterpark that opened last year that looks like fun," Tommy said. "We could take the kids there for a day."

Kimi nodded in agreement. "And when Susie gets here I am leaving you, Tommy."

"Say what?" Tommy said.

"I always thought Susie swung that way… her husband will be surprised-OW!" Dil laughed as Steph smacked him on the shoulder. "Not in front of the babies!"

Her brain caught up with her mouth and Kimi smacked her head. "I'm going out without you. Girl's Night Out. Me, Lil, Susie, and Angelica for sure, Steph and Gina if they are in the mood."

"Girl's night as in fruity drinks or girl's night as in "Dear god, the 11 o'clock news is going to air footage of this"?"

"Our group will have an FBI agent, the head of a non-profit, a tv star, and the Senator from California… yes, the news will broadcast the gory details." 

"I'm in!" Steph whooped.

Tommy raised an eyebrow at Dil. "So… think the town will survive us for two weeks?"

Dil clapped his brother on the shoulder. "Tommy… no chance in hell."


	6. Money, so they say

Angelica Pickles had dreamed many times of what her life would be like when she was an adult. Being able to stay up as late as she wanted, wear crowns and tiaras, boss people around, eat as many cookies as she wanted, own all the toys a girl could ever want…

But most importantly of all: no babies.

None. Not at all. Not a single drooly, poopie, stinky baby anywhere near her. Nope. None at all. She would be an adult and when that happened she'd never have to be around another baby ever again. They could stay in their stupid playpens and play their stupid games and she wouldn't have to be in the same house as them… or city… or state… or maybe even planet. Nope, no babies for her!

So if she could have seen Angelica Finster supporting her 13 month old daughter as she rode the penny horse at the grocery store Angelica Pickles would have had a heart attack.

"Say goodbye to Sandy, sweetie," Angelica said once the ride stopped, lifting Melinda up and giving her a little kiss.

" _Goodbye Sandy! I hope you and your sister patch things up! And if you ever want to discuss your fear of spidies call my sec'tary!"_ Melinda waved goodbye to the horsie, giggling as her mommy put her back in her stroller.

"Now then, let's go find daddy, okay?" Angelica said, pushing the stroller past the checkout and making her way into the depths of the Wal-Mart. Some of her friends back in Chicago would be shocked to see Angelica walking through such a symbol of Middle America with casual ease and two years ago she'd have been just as shocked. While she had mellowed out over the years she still held herself to a high standard and preferred to shop in elegant clothing stores where an attendant would take one's measurements and coffee was served at your request. But as her mother had warned her… babies were money pits. Angelica had thought she understood how much money babies could drain away, what with her Foundation set up to help parents dealing with such issues, but Melinda's birth proved just how wrong she was.

The blonde shook her head, remembering when Melinda had been 2 months old…

~Months Ago…~

 _Bethany Feinstein sighed, checking to make sure her anal retentive prick of a manager wasn't watched as she blew a massive bubbled before sucking it back in, smacking the wad of BubbleYum as she tapped her badge against her register. When she'd asked to take the night shift she'd figured it would keep her from dealing with the madness and hectic hours that would come from normal work hours at a Wal-Mart. No suddenly 2 pm rush from soccer moms needing to pick up one last thing and in a hurry to get out and grab their snot-nosed brats up from school, no after work crowd who were pissy that they couldn't get their milk and flee in 20 seconds, and no old ladies counting pennies as they sought a bit of human interactions. Just some late night drunks and otherwise a stress free night._

 _What she hadn't counted on was how boring the night shift could be. She couldn't leave her register because the night shift manager was scared she'd miss a customer. She couldn't pull out her phone because said jackass boss didn't want her to look unprofessional… even though she knew he went to his office and played Candy Crush for hours on end. She couldn't even flip through the magazines because those were for the customers. So Beth had nothing to do but idly sit at her register and listen to her brain cells slowly die off due to boredom._

 _The automatic doors flew open. Not slide like they were supposed to; they actually SLAMMED opened, trembling as they hit the walls, and Beth yelped as a cold wind blew into the store and caused several loose subscription cards and fallen sale signs to swirl around her like they were caught in a tornado. She whipped her head to yell at the idiot who'd burst in only to stare at the woman in shock. The new arrival's blonde hair was a frazzled nightmare, her shirt was covered in spit-up stains, and in her arms she held a screaming naked infant who was flailing about like a beached shark._

 _"DIAPERS!" the woman screamed like one would announce King Kong's arrival, maniac eyes sweeping about the store._

" _Uh… aisle 12."_

 _She merely nodded, hurrying towards the aisle, her baby's screeches echoing through the store. After a few moments Beth decided it might be wise to keep an eye on the deranged looking woman with the naked baby . Checking one more time to make sure her boss wasn't looking (he wasn't; he was too busy calling a hotline manned by someone named 'Rocko') she slipped away from her register and followed the new arrival as she shambled towards aisle 12. Beth was reminded of the zombie movies her father loved to watched and really hoped she didn't turn the corner and find the customer having a baby sandwich._

 _Instead she found the woman staring at the diapers, her gaze like that of an old war vet remembering the killing fields. The baby was still crying out, tugging at her mother's shirt and kicking her little legs in protest._

" _Do… do you need help ma'am?" Beth asked._

" _Diapers…" the woman whispered._

" _Yes, these are diapers," Beth said slowly, wondering if she could snatch the baby out of the woman's hands should she pass out._

" _Need diapers," the woman murmured, scanning the shelves. "All gone…"_

" _Right," Beth said, looking the woman over. Other than her frazzled appearance it was clear that the customer had a bit of money to her name, what with her having on a necklace (which the baby was currently trying to rip off and use as a whip) that cost more than Beth's car. People like her were always looking for the newest trend and Beth, figuring that she could kill some time, pointed to a brown box with green writing on it. "These are organic diapers that are made by a commune in Maryaland."_

" _No….no…" the customer moaned. "Melt right off."_

"… _melt?"_

 _The woman thrust her baby at Beth, the child calming down and looking at the cashier in confusion. "One little poopie and they melted right off! All of them! I went through 50 in 2 hours!" She yanked the little girl back, cuddling her as she looked at all the different boxes of diapers. "Cheap ones… sturdy ones… as many as I can get."_

" _Uh…" Beth said, pointing at some Huggies. "These are nice?"_

 _"I'LL TAKE THEM ALL!" The woman screamed, relieved tears falling from her eyes as she thrust several hundred dollar bills into Beth's hand._

~MC~MC~MC~

Angelica could now look back at that particular disaster and laugh but it had taught her a valuable lesson: when it came to babies stick with the tried and true. No organic diapers, no rattles that were supposed to stimulate the child through scent therapy, no baby powder made by hippies that they claimed would get any baby to sleep through the night. Basic diapers, basic supplies, happy baby. None of those things equaled very upset baby that had no problem letting you know they were pissed.

Melinda let out a coo, wiggling Katrina about, and Angelica smiled as she made her way past the frozen food and towards the baby department. She debated swinging by the Toys, as she loved to walk with Melinda and see what her little girl would light up upon seeing, but in the end ruled against it… mostly because she knew her mother, father, and in-laws would spoil Melinda rotten over the next two weeks. While Chaz and Kira had calmed down a bit with the birth of Louie they still felt the need to shower their first grandchild with clothing and gifts… and Angelica's parents were even worse. She knew for a fact her dad was already starting a bank fund to by Melinda her first car.

Walking past racks of pink and blue onesies and cutesie that said things like "Mommy and Daddy Know I'm the Boss!" and "Born to Nap" and "Rockin' The Diaper", Angelica turned into the baby food aisle to find Chuck having already loaded his cart with diapers, baby wipes, and powder and was now working to figure out just how much baby food to get.

"What do you think?" Chuck said when he noticed Angelica walk up to him. "Load up now or several small trips?"

"Small trips," Angelica said quickly, rocking on her heals. "We don't know how much mom or your parents will have gotten and Aunt Didi is sure to be stocked; the Devilles as well if they offer to babysit. I don't want it to go to waste and really don't feel like paying to have it flown back home. Besides, with all of us being on the same floor I'm sure we can bum a bottle off of Tommy if need be." Angelica leaned forward, tapping her chin. "The better question is what we get…"

Melinda looked at Katrina, wiggling her dolly back and forth as she contemplated the complexity of the human mind. That is until she noticed someone looking at an endcap at the end of the aisle her and her parents were in. The little girl's eyes narrowed before she let out a squeal, gesturing at her parents. When they didn't respond Melinda let out a huff; she really needed to discuss with her parents their selective hearing issues and the need to be mindful of one's surroundings. Wiggling her diaper clad behind, Melinda made enough space between her and the stroller's belt so she could shove Katrina's feet against it and, wiggling the doll carefully, undo the latch with a faint click. Clamoring out of her stroller, Melinda toddled down the aisle, forcing herself not to focus on all the yummy food that was around her and instead on the man that was currently looking at a display of diapers.

" _Hey, I know you!"_ Melinda exclaimed. _"You lived in my house for a week and we discussed your repressed childhood memories! I'm Melinda Finster, MDDDDDD, and you are… Mr. Fuzzy Beard!"_

The man, noticing the tot standing beside him, blinked before he realized who he was staring at. "Melinda?" He knelt down and grinned. "Hey sweetie! How did you escape mommy and daddy?" Melinda gestured behind her and then, with a giggle, ran back towards her parents. "Angelica! Chuckie!"

"Phil!" Chuck exclaimed, putting a jar of pear mash back on the shelf and hurrying over to his childhood friend, giving him a hug. "When did you guys get in? Where's the wife and kids? Lil and Langdon?"

"Breathe, Chuckie," Phil said, releasing Chuck and looking over at Angelica. "Still with the big brave dog, huh?"

"And loving every moment of it," Angelica said, walking over and giving Phil a hug. She looked down when she felt someone tug on her pant leg, shaking her head as Melinda beamed up at her. "And I see someone escaped… again."

"They are nearly as bad as us, if you believe our folks!" Phil said with a laugh. He knelt down again to ruffle Melinda's hair, the baby giggling and moving to hide behind her mommy's leg, peaking out and smiling at Phil. "We got in about 20 minutes ago. Langdon is getting us checked in and Lil wanted to take a nap before we drove over to see our folks. I'm just picking up some stuff to get through the night and then tomorrow we'll do the heavy shopping. You?"

"Been here a few hours," Chuck said, returning back to select the final few jars of baby food they needed while Angelica put Melinda back into her stroller. "Stocking up now and then going to get ready to see her folks-"

"-IMI!" 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" 

CRASH!

The three adults winced as they heard a heavy shelf come slamming down to the ground somewhere in the toy section.

"Can I just say I'm glad we weren't involved with a disaster for once?" Phil joked.

~MC~MC~MC~

 _ **At the Hotel…**_

Dil pulled out his phone and, after a few moments of swiping screens, got to the Notepad and quickly typed in 'Pool-First Floor. Open 7am to 12a,' before moving on. They'd just gotten checked in only for the entire group to decide to go and stretch their legs after their long flight. Years of travel had made hotel life a breeze for the two families; while many people unpacked and settled into hotels Dil and co. tended to live right out of their suitcases, removing only what they needed. While they'd never been in a situation where they needed to grab their cases and flee the country they were prepared to do just that, should the need arise. Once they'd gotten checked in Kimi had quickly assigned each to one of their main tasks. Steph got the babies was walking around the local parks, seeing if there was anything new or of interest for the family to do while staying in Yucaipa. Tommy and her had been assigned grocery shopping duties; Susie had arranged for them to get the best suites in the hotel and each of their rooms came with a small kitchenette for cooking meals. While they would eat out many times during the trip and all knew that the elder Pickles and Finsters would expect them for dinner (and there was a free continental breakfast, which automatically earned the hotel Dil's eternal love) the Pickles clan would go nuts if they couldn't cook a few meals of their own. Dil, for his part, had been assigned to wander around the hotel and make notes for everyone of where the major points, like ice machines, vending areas, the pool, etc, were located.

Dil personally loved this task more than any of the others. He didn't mind shopping but Tommy and Kimi were just better at it. Kimi was their resident chef, having learned to cook during her years as a roving reporter, and Tommy was better at planning than Dil was; heck, Dil half the time had to get out of line at the store because he realized he'd forgotten the very thing he'd been sent to get. But wandering around aimlessly figuring out all the hidden little spots in a hotel? That was where Dil was king.

"Cool, arcade," Dil said to himself, looking around the neon-lit room. There were crane games, a few pinball machines, several classic games like Donkey Kong and Pac Man, and even a racing game that four people could play. Adding the note to his phone, Dil glanced a directory on the wall before deciding he'd try and find where the gym was supposed to be.

"Hey!" Dil came to a quick stop, spinning on his toes as a tall man with what Steph would call a blond 'corporate hair cut' and a little circle beard ran up to him, a cream color bucket in his hand. It took Dil a moment to realize that it was Langdon, Lil's on again/off again boyfriend, though he supposed he was firmly in the 'on position' if he was joining them on the vacation. "Do you know where the ice machine is?"

"Yeah, I'll show you," Dil said with a grin. "Man, you look good." Langdon had clearly begun working out since Dil had last seen him at Phil's wedding; they hadn't talked much, what with Dil in the wedding party and Langdon acting as an usher, but Dil remembered Langdon being on the scrawny side and now he was rocking some good biceps that strained the sleeves of his tight tee.

"Uh… thanks. And if you'll just point me in the right direction I'll figure it out."

"Nah, don't worry about it," Dil said, slinging an arm around Langdon's shoulder. "Man, tense huh? Need to get a certain someone to massage the knots out of there." Dil began to guide the Prosecutor away from the arcade and towards the little alcove that held the ice machine. "So, go any plans for tonight?" Langdon stared at Dil, looking rather nervous. Dil grimaced… clearly him and Lil had had a fight. He kicked himself for bringing it up but he didn't just want to let it drop and make Langdon think he was taking sides. "Because if you want we could go get drinks."

"…what?"

"Drinks. They have a killer bar here, open late." Dil leaned in and whispered. "And listen, I'm not judging but if you need a place to sleep my room is open-"

"You know what? I forgot I already got ice!"

Dil looked at the bucket. "IT's empty…"

"Yup, already got it!" Langdon quickly detangled himself from Dil, practically running towards the elevator.

"Alright! See ya later." Dil waved, waiting until the elevators closed before making the universal signal for nuts. "Psycho…"

Meanwhile, on the 5th floor, Langdon hurried out of the elevator and practically ran into his a Lil's room, shutting the door behind him and letting out a sigh of relief. Lil, who'd finally awoken up after her nap and was now making it her mission in life to destroy a giant chocolate bar she'd found in the mini bar, looked up at him, a fleck of chocolate sticking to her lips. "Where's the ice?"

"I'll get it later," Langdon said, sitting down next to her. "I just… needed to get away." 

"Away? Away from what?"

"The gay guy that just propositioned me for sex."

"…what?" Lil said with a snort.

Langdon, who normally abhorred mini bars, walked over and snatched a 10 dollar can of coke out and cracked it open. "One minute I'm asking him where the ice machine is and the next he is asking me back to his room!"

Lil's eyes twinkled in mischief. "Did you flirt with some pretty boy?"

"I didn't do anything!" Langdon exclaimed. "He just… he came onto me! He practically raped me in the arcade!"

"Sure he did," Lil said, returning to her chocolate bar.

"He did!" Langdon downed his coke. "Can we just stay in the room for the next two weeks?"

"Doing that is how we ended up with Clair," Lil joked.

Langdon just groaned.

~MC~MC~MC~

 _ **15 Minutes Earlier, at Wal-Mart…**_

Kimi took out her phone and hit speeddial, motioning for the deli worker to load up the bowl of mash potatos while she waited for her husband to answer. "Come on, Tommy…" Kimi muttered, reaching up and adjusting her baseball cap. Even when she wasn't wearing the prop glasses she donned on the show Kimi would get occasionally recognized by a fan. She normally loved greeting those that loved her show but this was supposed to be a vacation free of such things and that meant going a bit incognito, just in case. Nothing extreme… she just avoided anything that looked like her normal 'costume' and threw on a battered Detroit Tigers cap (she'd become a fan after one ex boyfriend had proclaimed his utter loathing for the team… Kimi was a petty woman when you broke her heart). Dil and Tommy did the same thing, usually using caps as well in the summer or sunglasses while in the winter making use of scarves and winter caps.

Accepting the bowl of mashed potatos and another of gravy, Kimi juggled it and her phone before she managed to place the hot food in her cart along with the rotisserie chicken she'd picked. Snagging a pack of Hawaiian Sweet rolls, Kimi turned towards the produce section just as her phone clicked.

"Hello," Tommy said.

"Where are you at? I sent you back to get paper plates 10 minutes ago."

"Uh…"

"Tommy…" Kimi said, keeping her tone sweet, "where are you?"

"I kinda took a wrong turn," he began only for his wife to cut him off.

"I'll be right there." Wheeling her cart around Kimi made for the back of the store, pausing for a moment when she thought she spotted Phil but when she looked back there was no one there. Shrugging, Kimi entered the toy department, making a beeline for the action figure aisle… and smiling and shaking her head at the sight of her husband and his cart that, along with the baby supplies, was loaded with Reptar toys. "Tommy…"

Tommy blushed. He loved his job… he really did! Even with his current feelings of being in a rut he knew how wonderful his job was and how lucky he was to have it. He got to travel the world seeing sights 99% of the population would never see, he set his own hours, made VERY good money (Dil hadn't been kidding… if Kimi and him wanted to retire they could and live off the interest their bank gave them quite easily), had fans all over the world, and got to work with his wife and brother. He'd canoed down the Nile, been the Everest's base, seen the blue holes in Mexico, and down a section of the Iditarod. He was a lucky man.

But… doing his show meant that Tommy couldn't keep up with some of his favorite things. The biggest one being Reptar. While he had gone through a phase where Reptar hadn't been that important to him by the time he was in his early twenties he'd fallen back in love with the franchise and all its versions. The Reptar Corps, Cyber Reptar, Reptar Noir… he'd seen them all and owned every series on Blu-Ray. And then, two years ago, it had been announced that Nichael May was directing a live-action adapation of Reptar. Tommy had followed the rumors and news on the movie from the moment it was announced, setting up his smartphone to buzz whenever a new tidbit about the film was released to the world wide web, and watched the first trailer so many times that he'd dreamt about it. When Nigel had last summer pulled some strings and gotten him tickets to the red carpet premier he'd nearly broken down crying. He'd practically dragged Kimi along the red carpet, leaving Dil and Steph to make apologizes for him, and sat in the theater with a doopy grin on his face.

The critics had hated it. They'd slammed it as little more than explosion porn with shots of the main female lead wearing a tight orange belly shirt that hugged her curves. They'd decried Reptar's redesign, which was supposed to make him look more 'modern', and said the plot made no sense. The villain was two dimensional, the jokes fell flat, and the sequel hook lazy at best. It currently was one of the worst reviewed films on Moviepoopshoot and was a Certified Stinky on their scale.

Tommy had seen the film 20 times.

The problem was that all the cool Reptar Movie action figures had been short packed and finding them was near impossible when you spent half your time in forests looking for crumbling temples just so you could set up a shot. He'd managed to find Wave One online but after that things had dried up and while he could have bought the rest on Ebay he refused to give those scalpers a dime of his money. Thus, over the next few months he'd scoured both stores and websites, completing his collection one figure at a time. He'd finally hit a wall when it came to Wave 5, the one that of course included the best and coolest figures but had been even more shortordered than the rest of the line. No matter how hard he looked he could never find a single figure and had begun to think that Wave 5 was only a legend.

And then, today, as he'd picked up stuff for the kids (and maybe some things for him… okay, a lot of things) he'd seen it: Wave 5, sitting on the topstock shelves high above him, calling out to him. The moment he'd spotted them he'd been 1 years old ago, getting his very first Reptar doll…

" _Hi Tommy!" one of the boxes said, waving to him._

" _Hi!" Tommy said, shuffling his bare feet and wiggling his diapered bottom as he stared up at the friendly boxes. "You have Reptar toys in you, don't yous?"_

" _We sure do, Tommy!" the box said happily. "All the ones you've always wanted!"_

" _oooo." Tommy said, eyes wide in delight._

" _Tommy?" Kimi said, toddling over to him. "Tommy… you're hablucinating again."_

" _What's that, Kimi?"_

"TOMMY!" Kimi shouted, shaking him.

Tommy blinked, snapping out of his daze. "Oh… sorry."

Kimi sighed, a little smile on her lips. "It's fine… I knew I was marrying a Reptar addict when I hitched my wagon to your star." Leaning down on her cart she looked up at the plain brown boxes with green borders and writing on them, raising an eyebrow in surprise. "The fabled Wave 5?"

"Yup," Tommy said, his voice holding a tone of utter reverence. "Final Battle Reptar, Reptaretta, Final Battle Dactar, Waspra, Cyberreptar, and the rarest of them all… Queen Sodama." Tommy let out a little sigh. "Three boxes full of them."

"Should I be concerned that you have the same smile on your face looking at those toys as you did on our wedding night?" Kimi asked. "Tommy? Tommy?"

"It okay, Reptar, I'll saves you," Tommy said in a childish voice.

"TOMMY!"

"Gaaa!" he said, shaking once more out of his stupor. He looked down, confirming he was still an adult and wasn't wearing a diaper, before looking back at his wife. "Sorry… I know I'm supposed to be shopping… Kimi, what are you doing?" Tommy stared at his wife as she kicked off her platforms and moved towards the shelves.

"You love Reptar and I love you so that means I'm getting those boxes and I can't do that in these shoes." Kimi stood on the basedeck of the shelf, stretching on her tiptoes, her fingers scrapping the box. "Alright, get ready!"

"Careful! I don't want to damage them!" Tommy exclaimed.

"You're-" Kimi grunted, snagging the first box and slowly lowering it to Tommy, "-just gonna rip them open so you can play with them!"

"Pose and display! Pose and display!" Tommy said. Under his breath he muttered. "And maybe take them into the bath for old times' sake."

Kimi strained to get the second box, her fingers finally snagging it and pushing it off the shelf. Tommy managed to catch it and put it in the cart. Kimi, however, found that the last box had been pushed a bit too far back on the shelf for her to reach it from her current position and, after several failed attempts, stepped onto the first lower shelf and heaved herself up.

"Got it… got it… WHOA!" Her left foot slipped and she staggered, grabbing the topstock shelf for support. Unfortunately the shelf wasn't designed to support a grown woman's weight and just as she knocked the last box down the shelf began to sway back and forth, metal screeching

"KIMI!" Tommy raced forward, stepping on the last box and leaping up.

"AAAAAAAAAAAA!" Kimi shouted as Tommy caught her. The shelf slammed down behind them, inches from Tommy's heels.

"You okay?" Tommy asked.

"You saved me," Kimi said.

"Of course, you're my wife!"

"I meant over the Reptar toys."

"…duh. You're my wife." Tommy looked down, grinning as he spotted the final box. "Besides, looks like this one just has a footprint on it. The toys should be fine-" Tommy was cut off when Kimi grabbed his face and planted a powerful kiss on him. "Uh…"

"Let's get back before Steph returns with the kids… I want to give you a reward, Thomas."

"Really?" Tommy blinked in surprise, setting Kimi down so she could retrieve her shoes from under the shelf. He grabbed the final box and tossed it into the cart while Kimi rooted under the shelf even as she heard one of the Wal-Mart employees page for cleanup.

Kimi looked over her shoulder, knowing that being on her hands and knees just WHAT view she was giving him. "I'll even call you Reptar," she purred, giving her booty a little shake.

"…I have never loved you more than I do right now." Kimi giggled and the two ran up front, pushing their carts to the checkout as they laughed like little kids.


End file.
